[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Groans] I miss you. I don't want to go to the stupid country, I want to stay home and hang out in our bar with you.

I wish I could have at least brought you with me! Although then the bar wouldn't have been able to stay open... [Sighs]

This train smells weird and I don't wanna be here. I miss you. Can I come home now?

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: I miss you too, honey, and I would love for you to come home but I think your sister might be a bit upset if you missed her engagement party.

The bar doesn't feel the same without you, but things are pretty good here. Sarah and Mira are helping out a lot, as much as I tell them they don't have to. They've been befriending a lot of customers too, which is really good actually because I think they're turning some occasionals into regulars. At least two people who've come in today said they came back because Sarah or Mira was so nice to them the last time they were here.

Also, the Papa Bear thing is starting to catch on big time, so don't be surprised if you come home and I've forgotten my real name, okay?

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Aw, don't worry Papa Bear, I'm sure I can get used to calling you that instead of Kane.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Amused] Hmph, not quite what I was aiming for. I should get the kids to come up with a name for you too so I can at least fight back.

Hope the party is going well. If I remember the invitation correctly, it should have started about an hour ago at the time of me leaving this message. Good luck!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Kane, rescue me. People are so incredibly straight here. I've had at least three people look scandalized when I said I have a boyfriend, and at least two women titter about it like I'm doing something naughty just by being in a relationship. Ugh. At this point I'm just drinking free booze and waiting for my suffering to end.

Oh good, speeches are about to start. At least now people will focus on that instead of trying to talk to me.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Oof honey, that sounds rough. I hope the speeches weren't too painful and the straight people stopped being weird around you. They better get over that thoroughly though, because I sure as shit am not missing your sister's wedding. I love weddings. And I love you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: You like weddings??? Seriously???

Weddings are a... outdated, sexist, heteronormative tool of the patriarchy! What the hell is there to like about them???

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: I mean, yeah, weddings are definitely outdated, sexist, heteronormative tools of the patriarchy. But also, they're pretty. Everyone is dressed up and happy, and there's good food, and people are in love, and it's a celebration of friends and family and community... I don't know, I think there's a lot to love about weddings. Even if they are, y'know, all the other stuff as well.

Oh shit, big group of customers just came in. See you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Anxiously] So, uh... hey. Does this mean that like... marriage is a thing you're into? Like... is that a... thing, long term? Is it like... I mean... do you want to get married someday? Is that... do you want that?

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Freaked out] I mean, I'm not saying I wouldn't marry you if you wanted?? But like... you know, it kind of freaks me out a lot, and... I don't know, I mean, if it's important to you, I guess we can talk about it, or something? I mean... I really am kind of against it, in general, on principle, or whatever... but like... I mean, if you really wanted to get married, I guess I'm okay with discussing that? I think? I guess? Fuck.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Oh my god Jason, okay, no. No... that was... that was definitely not what I was trying to say. I like other people's weddings. I like attending weddings. I definitely do not want to get married. That's... yeah, no, that's not what I meant at all. That's not something I want. You can breathe easy on that front.

Like... I could imagine us doing it if we needed some kind of legal... whatever? But de facto couples get, like, almost all the same rights anyway, and... yeah, no. No, marriage is not something I'm chasing, don't worry.

I mean, it'd be kinda cool to have the big party, though. We already have a good reception place... Hey, should we advertise as a small reception venue for queer weddings and commitment ceremonies and stuff? That seems like something we should probably consider doing, huh.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Relieved] Oh my god, I have never been so relieved to receive a voicemail before. Like just... oh my god. My blood pressure is returning to normal, I can feel it. I love you, thank you for not wanting to get married.

I actually would have picked up if I'd noticed you calling this time, I was so anxious about the whole marriage question thing, but we did a maccas run before heading home for the night and I was in a very serious discussion about nutella donuts with my sister's fiance at that point. So, you know. I had my priorities right, obviously.

Anyway. That's a good idea about the queer wedding receptions. And I mean... don't get me wrong, just because I have... opinions about the institution of marriage doesn't mean that I have a problem with people doing something that makes them happy. I'm all for fancy cakes and pretty clothes and making out in front of all your friends.

[Sighs] I should head to bed. I have to be up at fucking sparrow's fart tomorrow to catch the train home. I love you. I can't wait to be back in our little queer bubble.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Looking forward to having you home, honey. I hope you sleep well. Love you.

[Hangup]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions. Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, and follow us on twitter, at @LoveLuckPodcast.