[Dial tone]

[Hangup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe, so, I've made about ten million phone calls, or at least it feels like it, but I've finally found someone with a cassette player who's happy to lend it to us.

He's a night owl like me, so I'm probably going to head over and pick it up tonight after I close up. He's actually just over a little past Fitzroy Street, so it won't take too much time or effort.

Love you. See you tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Happy] Hey! So, slight change of plans, Victor and Storm are coming with me to pick up the cassette player, and then we're going to stop by the beach for a bit before I come home.

So if you wake up and I'm sandy or something... sorry? I promise I'll wash the sheets tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[OCEAN BACKGROUND]

JASON: Hey gorgeous. The water is damn fucking fine tonight. Like, not even cold, it's just like... perfect.

Victor and Storm are still swimming, I just came back to the shore because... I love you, and I was thinking about you, and I wanted to leave you a message.

I wish you were here with us, but... it's good you're getting your sleep. Maybe we can come back to the beach on Monday? Just the two of us?

You know... it's really fucking weird that we don't come to the beach more often. I mean... it's like a twenty minute walk from the bar. You'd think we'd be making more use of that.

Damn, but it's nice though. It's been a long time since I've been at a beach at this hour. There isn't another fucking person around, just us. Which, I mean, shit... you don't usually get this kind of solitude in the city much, you know? There's usually at least a few people around.

Which is kind of cool in its own right, because like... you know that saying "ships passing in the night"? It's like that, it's like... hey, I see you, we're both existing at this really weird moment in the same place and time. And that's special, even if we never interact or see each other ever again.

Heh, I have no idea if that makes sense. You know me. I get weird and sentimental at this time of night.

I love you. I love you so much and so hard. I don't even know if I could ever really express the depth of it. I love you, Kane, I love you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey, I'm home safe, and I'm gonna have a shower before I come to bed so hopefully I won't get sand everywhere.

Just to let you know, I'm going to put the cassette player in that little nook in our bedroom, near the computer. So if you want to start listening to the tapes tomorrow before I get up, that's where you'll find it.

Love you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey. Things are quiet downstairs today. Which is kind of good, honestly, because I'm... I don't know what to do about the tapes.

I don't know whether I should just dive in and start listening now, or if I should wait and listen with you, or... if I should even listen at all.

I mean... [Emotional] what if it just hurts? What if it just hurts to hear her voice again, and I don't get anything positive out of it at all?

[Deep Breath] Ugh, I don't know. I don't know. One moment I think, I should wait until you get up, so I can have you there with me. Then I think, no, I should take a few minutes and do this by myself, she was my mother, we were close, I should be able to listen to this alone.

[Emotional] I don't know, Jason, I'm so confused. I feel like I shouldn't even be in this position. People are supposed to stay dead, you're not supposed to hear anything new from them years later.

I feel like I'm not... like, humans aren't emotionally equipped to deal with this, you know? Ghosts aren't meant to be real. Even tape recorder ghosts. We're not made to listen to the dead.

[Sigh] Well, I think it's pretty clear that whatever I'm going to do, I'm probably going to be a mess either way. Sorry.

I know you don't mind, but... sorry anyway.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey. So... Michael's minding the bar for a while. I've decided to start listening to the tapes.

So... if you come downstairs and I'm not there, don't freak out, I'm just out the back. Probably crying, by the time you come down.

[Deep Breath] Okay. Let's go. Week six, since that's the earliest one that's here.

[Hangup]

[Cassette button press]

JULIE: [Brightly] Hi baby, it's your Mumma, Julie!

I just found out about you. Well, okay, that's not entirely true. I actually found out about you yesterday.

Six weeks pregnant. [Sigh] That was a surprise. For a lot of reasons.

I mean, my age, for one. I'm thirty eight, which is kind of old for a first pregnancy. And... well, doctors told me that I couldn't have kids. They told me that like... ten years ago. I didn't mind, I mean... I was a bit upset about it, but I'd made my peace with it, you know?

My doctor was surprised that I noticed this early, actually. Apparently there's a huge range of times when people notice they're pregnant, but for someone like me who wasn't trying to conceive, it usually takes a bit longer for us to notice.

But I knew something was going on, baby. I knew. My whole body felt different. I can't really describe it, it was just this... feeling. I just knew about you. Somehow.

Anyway... we can't have a real conversation yet, obviously. But... I still wanted to talk to you. So I thought, hey, Priya got me this tape recorder and microphone for Christmas a couple of years ago, maybe I could use that.

So I figured... I'd talk to you, but I'd record it. And then one day, if you want to, you can listen to these tapes, and you can get to know me from a different perspective. I imagine that the person I am to you is quite different from the person I am now.

So, yes. Hi there baby! I wasn't expecting you, but I'm really glad that you're coming. I can't wait to meet you. I love you already.

[Click]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.