[Dial tone]

[Hangup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

MAGGIE: [Excited] Hey Jason, it's me, your dearly beloved sister. I have some big news! Call me back as soon as you can, okay?

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MAGGIE: [Excited] Actually, you know what, fuck it, I'm too excited, I don't want to wait for you to call me back.

I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant! We're having a baby! You're going to be an uncle!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Ugh, Maggie, answer your damn calls! I'm trying to congratulate you here!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: No, but seriously... congratulations. I'm really happy for you guys.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Kane, I am freaking out!

I mean, I'm happy for them? Of course I'm happy for them. I know Brad really wants kids, and Maggie is happy, and... like, it's good. It's really good! I am honestly really happy for them.

And I am also freaking out.

[Freaking out] What do uncles do? I don't have any uncles, I have no frame of reference here. Do I need to like... learn shit about babies? Am I going to end up babysitting or something?

I've never changed a nappy in my life, Kane, I don't know how to look after babies! What if I break it somehow? Like, what if I drop it? Or what if I break it like... in its head, and like... I do something stupid that traumatizes it forever? Oh god, I don't wanna traumatize a kid forever! Fuck!

God, please tell me you know shit about babies and can help me out here. Fuck!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Gently] Good morning honey, and when you get this message, I want you to take a deep breath and try to slow down a bit. You went on quite a spiral last night, from the sounds of it.

I have to say, it's a change for me to be the one leaving you soothing messages after a rough patch of anxiety for once.

But on that note, first off, you won't break it. No one's going to hand you a baby without making sure you know how to hold it safely. Secondly, I doubt you're going to traumatize it, because again, no one's going to hand you a baby without telling you how to treat it.

As for changing nappies, hopefully you won't have to do that duty, but if you do, that's okay, because again, no one's going to hand you a baby for an extended period without teaching you how to change a nappy.

It'll all be okay, I promise.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Oh, and as for what uncles do? I don't have any either, but as far as I can tell, being an uncle is like, all the best bits of kids without the shit bits. You get to play with them and take them on adventures and buy them presents, but you don't have to do any of the hard stuff. You get to just hang out with them and support them as they grow up.

So relax. You'll be a great uncle.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Waking up] Thanks babe. That was a good message to wake up to. I did kind of spiral a bit, huh?

[Yawn] Well. I'll see you in a few minutes when I can be fucked getting out of bed. Love you.

Oh, and... I think you mean WE'LL be great uncles.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MIRA: [Flustered] Um, hi, Storm, it's Mira. Uh... so, Helen and I were talking, and she said you guys aren't, like... exclusive, and uh... I was wondering if you'd like to go out sometime? With me?

Helen knows I'm asking, she, um... she's encouraging it, actually [Laugh]. So... uh, it's okay from that angle. And... yeah! Let me know.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

STORM: [Pleased] Hey, Mira, sorry I missed your call. Unfortunately I usually do miss calls a lot at work, sorry. But yes - I'd love to take you out sometime. I'll try calling again tomorrow, and we can make plans?

[Hangup]

[Beep]

STORM: [Amused] Hey, Jason, I know why Kane wanted to know about my monogamy status now! Tell your boyfriend that his meddling worked out pretty well.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Triumphantly] Now who's the god of all hookups?

[Awkwardly] ... It's--It's me, I'm trying to--it's me. I'm the god of hookups now.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

HELEN: Hey, Mira, it's Helen.

I think I've been living here too long, because... I wanted to leave you a message to wake up to, and because Kane and Jason are the way they are, my first thought was voicemail. Which... yeah. I think they're infecting all of us. I know you've left a couple for Kane, and I know Ricardo sometimes leaves them for Jason, and... yeah. [Amused] Clearly voicemails are something you can catch by living as the Best of Luck.

Anyway, um... thank you for talking to me about Storm. I know that it was kind of hard, and... I know Kane kinda encouraged you to do it, but... I'm still glad you did. I get why you didn't want to tell me about your crush on Storm, but... I mean, I get it, obviously I get it, I mean, I have a crush on her too!

[Sincerely] I really like how close we've become since you came back to to live at the bar. I don't want us to hide things from each other. I think we can handle it, you know? Like... even if something is uncomfortable, or we disagree on something... I think we can handle it.

Anyway. Thank you for being honest with me, and... thank you for being my friend.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MIRA: [Sincerely] Helen, I love you. You're my best friend.

[Hangup]

[Cassette Noise]

JULIE: [Sombre] Hi baby. It's been a bad week. [Sigh]

A close friend of mine died this week. His funeral was yesterday.

AIDS. It's been... getting worse. More people are dying.

We're all trying to... stay strong, and not let it get to us. I... [Annoyed sigh] I wasn't planning to talk about this on these tapes. These were meant to be... happy. Just me talking to you about me, and my life, and the life we're going to have together.

But, well. I guess this is my life too. My friend died. It was really hard, and really sad, and... some of the people at the funeral, this wasn't even the only funeral they've attended this week, let alone the last couple of years.

We're all trying our best to look after these people. A lot of people don't care about them, because they're gay. Even hospitals can be... difficult. So we're... doing our best. We... we cook food and take it to them. We clean up the vomit, and we wash them in bed, and we drive them to doctors appointments, and... sometimes we just sit with them, and hold their hands while they sleep.

[Sigh] I'm sorry this isn't another happy tape, baby. But this is important too, I guess. Everyone dies. But we should do everything we can to make sure that when people do, they die as comfortably as possible, and they go knowing that we love them.

We have to look after them. We have to look after each other however we can.

[Click]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Maggie is voiced by Shelley Dunlop. Helen is voiced by Ashe Connor. Storm is voiced by Creatrix Tiara. Mira is voiced by Tahlia Celenn. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

Thank you to Jennifer Gearing for naming Maggie.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]