[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey honey. Victor's still really down this morning. I haven't been soothing him - I asked him if he wanted to be cheered up when he got up, and he said no. He needs to feel his feelings for a while. So... we're giving him some space and letting him do that.

I'm really proud of him, you know? Like... this is an awful thing to go through, but he's handling it really well. Like, obviously he's upset, but... he's handling it.

Still... I wish he didn't have to.

[Sigh] Well, things are good down here otherwise. I love you. See you when you get up.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe. Just letting you know Victor's gone home for the night.

He looked okay. Like... not great, but okay. We talked a bit before he left, and he actually got a bit angry, which... honestly? I think is good. It's healthy to get angry when people treat you badly.

Anyway. Still got a couple of hours till closing time. Not a lot of customers though, so it looks like I'm in for a quiet night. Love you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

VICTOR: [Sad] Hey Jason. Sorry to leave you another voicemail, I imagine you're probably getting a little tired of me. But I can't sleep, and... I keep playing everything over and over again in my head.

I keep wondering... was there something I could have done? Could I have done something to make her realize how wrong she is? How much she's hurting me? Could I have explained myself better? Could I have gotten through to her, somehow?

I keep wondering, and I keep asking, and... the more I do, and the longer I think about it... the more I think the answer is no.

I don't think that she really wants to make peace with me. I think... I think she just wants me to shut up and be whatever she thinks I should be, like, like I'm not a person, like I'm some kind of doll that she can wheel out to impress her friends, or put me in the cupboard if I'm embarrassing.

[Upset, Teary] That... that really hurts, Jason. It hurts more than I thought it would. I thought I was over it. I thought I'd just never speak to my family again. And then... then... then she called me, and she wanted to talk, and I wanted... I wanted it to be real. I wanted her to want me again, and to accept me, and I just... [Sob]

[More composed] I just want my Mum to love me. And... it just hurts so much that doesn't. Even if she thinks she does... she loves someone who doesn't exist. I wish I had a mother that loved me.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Victor...

You know, I keep wanting to say, "fuck her, she's garbage! She doesn't deserve you!" and I mean... I do honestly think that, but... unfortunately, I'm also intimately familiar with how you're feeling. It's hard to hate your parents, even when they do horrible things to you.

Maybe she'll come 'round some day. Maybe she won't. It's okay if you don't hate her, but it's also okay if you do. This shit is complicated.

[Sigh] [Perks up] Hey, listen. You know what? You want a mother who loves you and accepts you?

Okay. Fuck her. I'm your mother now.

Okay? I am 100% serious about this. I love you so much and you're my kid now.

You already said it yourself. We're your family. And I love you and accept you completely. So I'm your mother now.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

VICTOR: [Laughing] Jason, you're a thirty one year old cis man. Not that I don't appreciate it, but people might look at us a little strangely if I start calling you Mum.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Don't argue with your mother when I'm telling you I love you!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

VICTOR: [Sassy] Sorry, mother.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MIRA: Jason, did I just hear you shouting "I'm your mother now" at someone?

Because if I did, I think we've finally found your nickname. One of your boys - I think it was Tristan? - actually suggested "Mama Jay" a while back, as sort of a partner nickname to Papa Bear for Kane... it was okay, but we were worried that it might come off a bit heteronormative.

But if you're gonna go around telling people you're their mother now, I think maybe you decided it for us. [Laughs]

Hope you like it, Mama Jay.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Kane!! I'm a new mother and I finally have a nickname to match yours!!

This is the best day of my life!!!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Amused] That was one of the most confusing messages I've ever received from you. You're gonna have to enlighten me on the details of that when you get up.

[Hangup]

[Cassette Noise]

JULIE: [Thoughtfully] You know, mostly people have been pretty good about it, baby, but there are still a few people who have asked me if I'm worried about you growing up without a father.

I'm not worried at all. I don't really have a father, and I'm fine.

I mean... I did have one. But my mother left him when I was still fairly small, and honestly? I thank the universe for that every day.

I think I've mentioned him briefly before, but the short version is that my father was rubbish. He was a rude and selfish man, and he treated my mother very badly.

He tries to make contact with me every few years. I ignore him. Well, not outright - I usually respond, but I just tell him that I'm not interested in any kind of relationship with him.

Maybe he really has changed. Maybe he's a good person now.

But that doesn't change all the times he made my mother cry. That doesn't change all the harm he did. I don't care how much of a good person he might be now, I'm not obligated to give him my time or attention for that.

I do genuinely hope that he's a better person now. I hope he's a kind person who treats his friends and loved ones well. I hope that if he is a better person, that he's found someone to love, and he treats them well too. I truly wish him the best.

But let him have his new life far away from me.

You don't have to love people who hurt you, baby. You don't have to forgive people. It's lovely if you can, it can be very healing for your own sake. But sometimes you don't need it, and that's fine.

You don't have to love or forgive anyone. No one is owed either of those things.

Not even me, by the way. If I ever bring you harm, you can forget me.

I hope you won't. I'll do my best to make sure you don't want or need to. But if it comes to that, then... that's how it is.

The only thing required of you is to do your best to be a kind and respectful person, and try to leave the world in a better place than you found it. That's all.

[Click]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Victor is voiced by DL Turnbull. Mira is voiced by Tahlia Celenn. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]