[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey honey, just a reminder - whatever it is you're planning for my birthday tomorrow, please don't make it too big and loud. I'm an old man with an early bedtime these days, and the idea of having to put a lot of effort into celebrating myself is one of the most exhausting things I've even thought about in recent times.

I love you. Please don't exhaust me.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Don't worry baby, I know how to give you what you need. If you know what I mean.

... I mean sex, that was-- that was meant to be sexual.

But yes, I also know your party needs. So don't worry, I promise tomorrow won't exhaust you. It's gonna be fun and easy and relaxing.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[BG SFX: Supermarket sounds]

MIRA: Hey Mama Jay, call me back. Helen and I are at the supermarket now picking up last minute things for Kane's birthday cake, and we can't remember if you wanted caramel or ganache for the filling. I know we talked about both, but I can't remember which side we landed on.

Oh also, ask Ricardo if he'll let us put a hat on Dognerys. Because if so, we're gonna buy party hats while we're here.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Hums "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow]

See? Even my midnight happy birthday message is low key and chill!

[Laughs] Happy birthday, babe. I love you, and you're gonna have one hell of a relaxing arse day. Michael and Victor are covering our shifts, so we get to spend the whole day together and not do any work at all.

We're gonna go the beach and eat delicious pastries for breakfast. We're not gonna swim, obviously, because it's fucking cold, but, it will still be lovely to picnic there. And then I've booked you a massage appointment. Yeah, that's right. Hardcore relaxation action.

Then we're gonna come back to the bar for lunch, and you're going to drink a special tea blend that Helen's prepared for you, and open presents and shit. And then, we're going to eat the cake that I promise I had absolutely nothing to do with and was entirely made by Mira, so it will be delicious and edible instead of some sort of cake shaped disaster.

I love you so much and I'm gonna make sure you have a wonderful day. See you at some god awful time of the day because I'm getting up early to make sure I can spend the morning with you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

STORM: Happy birthday Kane! I hope Jason is treating you to a great day! I'll catch you later!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[BG SFX: Cafe ambience]

VICTOR & MICHAEL: Happy birthday Kane!

VICTOR: We've already told you this in person but we know you love voicemails, so we wanted to make sure you got one of those from us too.

MICHAEL: Enjoy your day off! We are taking care of everything here.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MAGGIE: Happy birthday, Kane! I hope our card got to you in time. You'd think mail wouldn't take long just going between Wangaratta and Melbourne, but, well. You know how Australia Post is.

Anyway, I hope you have a great day!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

THULIUM: Happy birthday Kane! Tell Jason to give you a big hug from me, okay? [kiss sound] Mwah!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

EILEEN: Hey Kane, it's Eileen. Happy birthday. I'm stuck at work today so I can't come by and see you, but I'll come around tomorrow with your present. Have a great day!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Quietly] So, just like every other time I've tried to go to sleep at the same time as you, it did not work out. But that's okay. I'm not needed downstairs, and honestly? Sometimes it's nice to just... lie here and be with you.

I won't talk long, I don't want to risk waking you. But I did want to tell you that you are my favourite thing in the world. I love you more than this bar, more than Ricardo's dog, more than anyone else I've ever met. I even love you more than partying.

Happy birthday Kane. The best man I've ever known. The best partner I could ever have.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Affectionately] Hey there, my perfect boyfriend who gave me a perfect birthday. I love you so much. Thank you for everything yesterday. Not only was the day perfect, but I woke up feeling really good today too. Apparently having a truly restful day every now and then is really good for you. Go figure.

And yeah... you're my favourite thing in the world, too.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: You know... I've been thinking a lot about my childhood since getting these tapes. Remembering things is easier now, like... hearing her voice again makes it easier to remember things I had otherwise forgotten. Some big things, some small things. Some things I'm not even sure if they're real memories or made up ones.

But after yesterday, there's one standing out.

When I was growing up, Mumma and me only had one really clear birthday tradition. Birthday cake was always a vanilla sponge cake with whipped cream and strawberries. Every year.

And... because we never had that type of cake if it wasn't a birthday, it became more special to me than almost any other cake I can think of, because we only had it twice a year. Sometimes a third time if we visited Grandma for her birthday.

When I moved out... I stopped having that as my birthday cake. Even after Mumma died, I still didn't have it. It was something I did with her, not something I did on my own, you know?

But... thinking about it today... I think I'd like to bring that one back. Next year... next year, I want my birthday cake to be that. Vanilla sponge with whipped cream and strawberries. Do you think... could we do that?

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: So, I know we already talked about this, but I'm just leaving this message so it's really really super duper confirmed.

Birthday cakes, from now on, will always be sponge cakes with whipped cream and strawberries. For both of us.

Not only because you asked, by the way. I didn't figure this part out until just now, but... I never got a chance to meet your mother. She never got a chance to meet me. We never got to hug and welcome each other into our lives, lives that we would have shared through you.

So... taking part in things she did with you is kind of how I can meet her now. Like... listening to the tapes, I can meet her. Hearing your stories is how I know her. And yeah... eating a cake that was special to her and you, that's how I can welcome her into my life.

I... really wish that I could have met her more directly, but... I mean, death is kind of a one way street. So... I'll take what I can get. And if what I can get is cake and cassettes... then that's still something. They're still pieces that she's left behind. They're still impressions that she left in the world.

And that's... well, that's still something.

[Hangup]

[Cassette noise]

JULIE: You know baby, sometimes I think I've got our whole relationship planned out perfectly. I know how I'm going to trick you into eating vegetables. I know how I'm going to handle you when you won't stop crying. I know how I'm going to talk to you about sex when you start asking questions.

But then today, my friend Tiffany, she asked me if I was going to do Santa Claus, and I just stared at her slack jawed. I hadn't given that any thought at all.

And then it all started crashing down on me. Oh, sure, it starts fairly simple. Am I going to do Santa? What about the Easter Bunny? What about the Tooth Fairy? Are we even going to celebrate Christmas at all?

[Nervously] Then it gets complicated.

What holidays should we celebrate? I don't really celebrate any at the moment, pretty much only New Years. But... that feels kind of mean to do to a child. Holidays are something kids look forward to. Should I make up some holidays? Should we just go along with the so-called secular ones? Should I let you choose? Or is that far too much choice to give a child?

What about religion? I'm not religious, but Priya is, and so are a lot of my friends. You're going to grow up around religious people. So... how should I raise you in regards to religion? What if you become religious and are upset that I'm not? What if you resent me for not raising you with religion? But then, if I did, what if you resent me for that?

What about birthdays? My idea of a great birthday party right now involves a lot of naked drunk people in a spa! I'm going to have to learn some new kid friendly tricks really quickly. Am I going to have to study to learn how to throw kids parties? Can I buy books on that? Oh god, am I going to have to buy one of those Women's Weekly birthday cake books and learn how to make that cake that looks like a train?

[Sigh] Just when I think I've got it figured out, I realize I don't know a damn thing after all. [Laughs] Well, at least that's in line with everything else I've heard about parenting, I guess.

I don't know if we'll do Santa, kiddo. I don't know a lot of stuff, turns out.

But we'll figure it out. Just because I don't have any of my own kid friendly traditions yet, doesn't mean we can't make some up together. That's half the fun of having a family, right?

[Click]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Mira is voiced by Tahlia Celenn. Victor is voiced by DL Turnbull. Michael is voiced by Oscar Sabogal. Maggie is voiced by Shelley Dunlop. Storm is voiced by Creatrix Tiara. Eileen is voiced by Abigail Michell. Thulium Rhydderch is voiced by Bismuth. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]