[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Nervous, thoughtful] Hey honey. So, before I try and sleep... I've been thinking.

I'd like to go back to the beach, and try again to... do whatever it was I did last time that let me see that vision of Mumma.

I know I haven't been able to repeat it so far, but... I've been trying here at home, not at the beach. What if that's the missing piece? The location? What if there's some kind of connection through that?

[Sigh] I don't know. I-- I feel like I'm on the edge of something right now, like I'm standing on some kind of threshold. And I just feel this... drive, this urge, to find out exactly what it is.

I know that last time I kind of... freaked out. But I know what I'm aiming for this time. It won't surprise me.

I just... I think there's something there, Jason. I think I can touch it again. I think I can reach her.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey, so, I just listened to your bedtime voicemail, and the timing worked out really well.

Helen and Ricardo and I have been talking magic stuff down here in between the occasional customer, and Helen's pretty keen to try and find out more about what she can do. She thinks knowing more about it will make it less scary, and that's actually a pretty smart idea.

Ricardo was suggesting that the four of us head to the beach sometime and see what we can feel there. Your mum mentions it a couple of times in her tapes, and, yeah, you had that weird vision thing there too, and... I mean, I've said before that beaches always feel a bit liminal to me. So... it seems like as good a guess as any that there's something going on there.

So I guess we just need to make a time to head on down.

I'm gonna put in a vote for the middle of the night rather than the middle of the day. The weather's warming up and the beach is likely to have a bunch of people around during the day.

I mean... I don't know if there would be anything for people to witness as such, but... I don't know. Feels like maybe we should be on the safe side.

Anyway. Let me know what you think.

And hey - I love you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey, so... yeah, that was good timing. I'll ask Helen and Ricardo when they'd like to head down when they get up today.

And I agree with you that the middle of the night is probably better, but ugh. That's right in the middle of my sleep time. That's going to suck!

Like, yeah, you're right. It's better. But ugh!

Oh, and I was thinking, we should take your little video camera with us when we go. Just in case anything interesting happens.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: It's really hard to get to sleep when I know you're just going to come wake me up in like four or five hours. I know the wee hours will be quieter than, say, midnight, but ugh.

Admittedly it's not just the lost sleep that makes settling down an issue right now. There's also the possibility of connecting with my long dead mother. That's not exactly a relaxing proposition. It's both... very exciting and very frightening at the same time.

On the one hand... I miss her so much. Even just getting to see her again, even just for a second, even in whatever weird time travel ghost format it might take... that possibility makes my heart swell.

On the other hand... I feel like we're definitely getting into "playing with powers we don't understand" territory at this point, and that's... terrifying. I mean... dead people are supposed to stay dead, like I've said before. We're not supposed to hear from them again.

Although, you know... I guess that's not true everywhere. There's a lot of cultures where that's not actually the assumed state of affairs. There's a lot of places where deceased loved ones are expected and assumed to visit or stick around.

But even just for me, I mean... I've been listening to new words from her on these cassettes, long after she passed. She's still not really gone. She still has a ghost here, even if it's just a voice on magnetic tape. Is it really that much scarier to consider another wire between us?

[Sigh] I really should be sleeping. It's just so difficult. I don't know what's going to happen, and that's hard for me to accept at the best of times, let alone when we're dealing with this kind of completely unknown experience.

I love you. I love you so dearly, and I'm so glad you've been with me every step of this. I don't think I could have handled it nearly as well without you.

It sometimes feels like you're the emotional foundation for my life. No matter what happens, I always know I have you. I always know you're here. I always know that you love me. And I always know that I love you.

[Hangup]

[Cassette noise]

JULIE: [Sombre] Priya left for Canberra today.

I tried not to cry at the bus stop, but... I failed. I cried a lot. And, she did too. It was really hard.

The apartment feels so empty without her. Like it's only half a home.

There's still a bunch of boxes here... we didn't finish splitting everything up in time for the move. But that's okay. I can send these boxes up to her in a couple of weeks. Hopefully I don't forgetfully put anything in them that's actually mine. I haven't exactly been thinking the clearest these last few days. Grief will do that to you.

[Lighter] I'm trying to look on the bright side. Only a couple more weeks until you're due to arrive. Then the apartment will feel complete again. Complete in a different way, of course, but... still complete. Or at least that's what I'm hoping.

[Sigh] Big life changes are always so scary. It doesn't matter if they're for the best or not, they're still scary just the same.

But you have to be brave. You have to remember that big new things might be big new good things. You can't let yourself miss opportunities for happiness just because you're sad or uncomfortable or scared.

You've got to embrace change. Because change is going to happen anyway, so you may as well make friends with it.

I'm telling you this so that you know it, but... I'm also trying to remind myself.

Because it's so easy to hold onto the past too tightly. You can't let yourself do that. You should of course remember it, and you should respect it. You should value your experiences from everything you've been through.

But don't stop yourself growing beyond it. You change too.

And that's all right.

That's all right.

[Click]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]