Episode 80 - Drunk Jason Returns

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey, Michael, can you do a late night shift for me tonight? Storm wants to go drinking and I am so ready for it. It's been way too long since I let my inner trash bag out to play.

I know it's kind of short notice, so no worries if you can't do it, I'll just have to make sure I plan better next time.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MICHAEL: Hey, Jason, sure thing. I can cover you tonight no problem. See you soon.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey honey, I'm about to head to bed.

I'm really glad you're going out tonight, you know. I sometimes feel a bit guilty, like... I know you like drinking, and the fact we don't have alcohol here is... well, I know it's been a big change for you, let's put it that way. So it makes me really happy when you can get a chance to go drink and party elsewhere.

Anyway. I hope you and Storm are having a great time. I'm expecting many drunk voicemails when I wake up tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[SFX: People chattering in background]

JASON: Oh my god, Kane, I forgot how long the queues are to get into cool bars in the city. Storm and I are waiting in the longest line that's ever existed--

STORM: [In background] HI KANE!

JASON: I regret this decision. I'm going to die in this queue. Remember me fondly.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[SFX: Sound of tram travelling]

JASON: Hey, it's me. We left the stupid bar with the world's longest queue! We're on a tram. We're heading northside to go to Sircuit instead. Apparently it's drag night, so I don't know why the fuck we didn't just plan to go there in the first place.

[To Storm] Hey, why didn't we just go to Sircuit first?

STORM: [In background] I don't know, man, we didn't exactly plan this. Where's your sense of adventure?

JASON: My sense of adventure lead us to spending half an hour in a line full of straight people. [Storm laughs] Clearly my sense of adventure cannot be trusted. Anyway, I'm gonna go drink like I'm dying and fall in love with every drag queen I see. Love you, talk to you later!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[SFX: Loud club noise]

JASON: [Drunk] Heeeey! Hey! It's been a while since drunk Jason called you! Did you miss me? [Laughs]

Ah fuck, Kane, I don't remember, have you ever been here? Did I ever take you here? We should come together sometime, okay? It's... it's so good. So fucking good! The dancing is so good, and I wanna dance with you more!

We're gonna come here sometime and dance a lot, okay? Okay!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[SFX: Ocean in background]

STORM: [Drunk] Hey, Helen... ah... Helen of Troy. A woman so beautiful that mythology remembers her for that above all else.

However beautiful she was, you are a thousand times more so. You are greater than any queen that ever lived. Kinder than any saint. Helen... Helen. I cannot believe I am so lucky as to know you. I am blessed to have kissed you.

You are a goddess among mortals. I...

No... no. That's something I need to tell you in person.

But Helen... you are magnificent, and I adore you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

STORM: [Drunk] Mira! Mira, sweet, beautiful, efferve--efferv--eff--effervescent Mira! You are like the sun! So bright and radiant, and I, I'm just so incredibly grateful to know, so blessed to touch you, so lucky to... no, that's for in person.

I am by the ocean right now and I am thinking of you, and how beautiful you are. I am devoted to you, beautiful, radiant Mira.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[SFX: Ocean in background]

JASON: [Drunk] Hah, I've corrupted Storm. [Sing-song] She's leaving drunk voicemails for her girlfriends! [Laughs]

[Relaxed] Ahhh. We're not at the club any more, in case the lack of doof in the background wasn't a giveaway. We were coming home but then decided to stop off at the beach for a bit.

Hmm... there's someone else here. Just one person. Some guy in a business suit, which is a bit odd. He's been standing there looking at the water for like... ten minutes? I'd be freaked out about if I could think of any discernible reason to be freaked out, but I can't, really. It's weird, but not like, scary or threatening or anything.

Oh! Oh okay! He's taking his suit off. Does he have bathers on underneath or someth--wow, he is folding that very neatly. I don't think I can fold a shirt that neatly, let alone a suit jacket.

Yeah okay, nope! No bathers underneath! That is just a man in his jocks! Yup! Is he gonna go swimming? But like, he doesn't have a towel or anything, so how is he... oh my god...

[SFX: Distant scream in background]

[Storm yells in background]

[Laughs] [Yells] YEAH! YEAH MAN!!

[Laughs] Oh my god, he just fucken... he just fucken ran into the ocean, dived in, and then popped up screaming because it's so fucking cold!

Oh my god, that was amazing. Fuck. Holy shit. [Laughs] I can't believe it. I wish you were here for that, because holy shit, that was a once in a lifetime experience. [Laughs]

Ah. Ah, I love you, Kane. I'll see you tomorrow when I get up. [Still chuckling]

[Hangup]

[Cassette Noise]

JULIE: [Brightly] Hi baby! So, I got to see you again yesterday. On the ultrasound, I mean, not just your bump. I waved at you! I know you couldn't see it, but... it was almost involuntary. I'm just so excited about you! I can't wait to meet you.

[Contemplatively] You know, the ultrasound... everyone says you're a girl. But... that doesn't feel right. I know technology is supposed to be supreme or something, but... I'm sure you're not a girl. I'm positive.

I told Priya, and she said that she's heard about this, mothers disagreeing with the scans. She said that usually the mothers are right.

I'm inclined to think I'm right too. Especially with the strange... precognition powers I've got. I mean... generally they don't extend very far, and you're still a long way off being born, but... I don't know, baby. Maybe this isn't the same thing exactly. Maybe this is just a Mum thing, not a superpower thing.

Well, either way, not only am I sure you're not a girl, I'm pretty sure you're a boy. Like... really sure. I mean, I could be wrong, I suppose, but... I don't know. I don't think I've ever felt this certain about anything before. Why would I feel this way over something small like a gender if it wasn't... real? You know?

Well... I guess we've got plenty of time to find out who's right, me or the scans. But... I'm still putting my money on me.

But hey - I love you no matter what you are, okay, baby? Gender doesn't matter at all. I love you no matter what.

[Click]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Storm is voiced by Creatrix Tiara. Michael is voiced by Oscar Sabogal. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes. Additional sounds effects thanks to Kyle Evans.

Sircuit is a real gay bar in Melbourne, that hosts all kinds of delightful events most nights of the week. You can learn more about them at sircuit.com.au - that's S I R C U I T dot com dot A U.

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[Music fades out]