Episode 80 - Drunk Jason Returns

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey, Michael, can you do a late night shift for me tonight? Storm wants to go drinking and I am so ready for it. It's been way too long since I let my inner trash bag out to play.

I know it's kind of short notice, so no worries if you can't do it, I'll just have to make sure I plan better next time.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MICHAEL: Hey, Jason, sure thing. I can cover you tonight no problem. See you soon.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey honey, I'm about to head to bed.

I'm really glad you're going out tonight, you know. I sometimes feel a bit guilty, like... I know you like drinking, and the fact we don't have alcohol here is... well, I know it's been a big change for you, let's put it that way. So it makes me really happy when you can get a chance to go drink and party elsewhere.

Anyway. I hope you and Storm are having a great time. I'm expecting many drunk voicemails when I wake up tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[SFX: People chattering in background]

JASON: Oh my god, Kane, I forgot how long the queues are to get into cool bars in the city. Storm and I are waiting in the longest line that's ever existed--

STORM: [In background] HI KANE!

JASON: I regret this decision. I'm going to die in this queue. Remember me fondly.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[SFX: Sound of tram travelling]

JASON: Hey, it's me. We left the stupid bar with the world's longest queue! We're on a tram. We're heading northside to go to Sircuit instead. Apparently it's drag night, so I don't know why the fuck we didn't just plan to go there in the first place.

[To Storm] Hey, why didn't we just go to Sircuit first?

STORM: [In background] I don't know, man, we didn't exactly plan this. Where's your sense of adventure?

JASON: My sense of adventure lead us to spending half an hour in a line full of straight people. [Storm laughs] Clearly my sense of adventure cannot be trusted. Anyway, I'm gonna go drink like I'm dying and fall in love with every drag queen I see. Love you, talk to you later!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[SFX: Loud club noise]

JASON: [Drunk] Heeeey! Hey! It's been a while since drunk Jason called you! Did you miss me? [Laughs]

Ah fuck, Kane, I don't remember, have you ever been here? Did I ever take you here? We should come together sometime, okay? It's... it's so good. So fucking good! The dancing is so good, and I wanna dance with you more!

We're gonna come here sometime and dance a lot, okay? Okay!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[SFX: Ocean in background]

STORM: [Drunk] Hey, Helen... ah... Helen of Troy. A woman so beautiful that mythology remembers her for that above all else.

However beautiful she was, you are a thousand times more so. You are greater than any queen that ever lived. Kinder than any saint. Helen... Helen. I cannot believe I am so lucky as to know you. I am blessed to have kissed you.

You are a goddess among mortals. I...

No... no. That's something I need to tell you in person.

But Helen... you are magnificent, and I adore you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

STORM: [Drunk] Mira! Mira, sweet, beautiful, efferve--efferv--eff--effervescent Mira! You are like the sun! So bright and radiant, and I, I'm just so incredibly grateful to know, so blessed to touch you, so lucky to... no, that's for in person.

I am by the ocean right now and I am thinking of you, and how beautiful you are. I am devoted to you, beautiful, radiant Mira.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[SFX: Ocean in background]

JASON: [Drunk] Hah, I've corrupted Storm. [Sing-song] She's leaving drunk voicemails for her girlfriends! [Laughs]

[Relaxed] Ahhh. We're not at the club any more, in case the lack of doof in the background wasn't a giveaway. We were coming home but then decided to stop off at the beach for a bit.

Hmm... there's someone else here. Just one person. Some guy in a business suit, which is a bit odd. He's been standing there looking at the water for like... ten minutes? I'd be freaked out about if I could think of any discernible reason to be freaked out, but I can't, really. It's weird, but not like, scary or threatening or anything.

Oh! Oh okay! He's taking his suit off. Does he have bathers on underneath or someth--wow, he is folding that very neatly. I don't think I can fold a shirt that neatly, let alone a suit jacket.

Yeah okay, nope! No bathers underneath! That is just a man in his jocks! Yup! Is he gonna go swimming? But like, he doesn't have a towel or anything, so how is he... oh my god...

[SFX: Distant scream in background]

[Storm yells in background]

[Laughs] [Yells] YEAH! YEAH MAN!!

[Laughs] Oh my god, he just fucken... he just fucken ran into the ocean, dived in, and then popped up screaming because it's so fucking cold!

Oh my god, that was amazing. Fuck. Holy shit. [Laughs] I can't believe it. I wish you were here for that, because holy shit, that was a once in a lifetime experience. [Laughs]

Ah. Ah, I love you, Kane. I'll see you tomorrow when I get up. [Still chuckling]

[Hangup]

[Cassette Noise]

JULIE: [Brightly] Hi baby! So, I got to see you again yesterday. On the ultrasound, I mean, not just your bump. I waved at you! I know you couldn't see it, but... it was almost involuntary. I'm just so excited about you! I can't wait to meet you.

[Contemplatively] You know, the ultrasound... everyone says you're a girl. But... that doesn't feel right. I know technology is supposed to be supreme or something, but... I'm sure you're not a girl. I'm positive.

I told Priya, and she said that she's heard about this, mothers disagreeing with the scans. She said that usually the mothers are right.

I'm inclined to think I'm right too. Especially with the strange... precognition powers I've got. I mean... generally they don't extend very far, and you're still a long way off being born, but... I don't know, baby. Maybe this isn't the same thing exactly. Maybe this is just a Mum thing, not a superpower thing.

Well, either way, not only am I sure you're not a girl, I'm pretty sure you're a boy. Like... really sure. I mean, I could be wrong, I suppose, but... I don't know. I don't think I've ever felt this certain about anything before. Why would I feel this way over something small like a gender if it wasn't... real? You know?

Well... I guess we've got plenty of time to find out who's right, me or the scans. But... I'm still putting my money on me.

But hey - I love you no matter what you are, okay, baby? Gender doesn't matter at all. I love you no matter what.

[Click]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Storm is voiced by Creatrix Tiara. Michael is voiced by Oscar Sabogal. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes. Additional sounds effects thanks to Kyle Evans.

Sircuit is a real gay bar in Melbourne, that hosts all kinds of delightful events most nights of the week. You can learn more about them at sircuit.com.au - that's S I R C U I T dot com dot A U.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 79 - Sky High

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

STORM: Hey, Helen, it's Storm. Can I steal you away for tonight? There's somewhere I'd like to take you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Happy] Hey, Jason, guess what? Tom and Brandon finally - finally - found a wheelchair accessible apartment that they can afford!! And they're getting the keys tomorrow! Which is... really fast, but, well, sometimes that's how real estate goes, just happening all at once with no warning.

I told them we'd help them move, and Victor and Michael want to help too, so... guess we've got a big few days ahead of us.

Anyway, you know that sad empty nest feeling I got when Michael moved out? You should probably brace yourself, because I suspect you're going to have to nurse me through another phase of it.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Wait, did that last message sound like I'm not happy for them? Because I totally am very happy for them. I'm just also a big sook. I can be both!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe. Hope you're sleeping well.

I know it's sad to see the boys move out, but it'll be good for them to have their own space. And hey, that's another room free if we have anyone else who needs to crash, remember? I mean, hopefully we won't need it, but... if we do, then we've got it.

But yeah. I know it's sad to see them go, even if it's a good thing.

I love you. And Tom and Brandon do too, and they'll be back to hang out with us I'm sure, so don't feel like this is goodbye. It's just the end of an extended sleepover.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

VICTOR: [Sternly] Jason, I'm calling to tell on Kane. He's been lifting heavy boxes even though we've told him that we can do it, and he probably shouldn't. If you can make him stop when you get up, that'd be very helpful.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: So help me Kane, if you lift any more heavy things tomorrow instead of letting someone else do it, I'm going to chain you to the bed for a week. And not in a sexy fun kind of way. In a "bad dog" kind of way.

Wait, no, I said it wasn't going to be sexy. Cancel that last comment.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

HELEN: Hey, it's me. Storm brought me up to a BNB in Olinda, and... now we're at Sky High, and I can see the whole city, and it's... it's so beautiful, Mira. It's so, so beautiful. The city lights make it look like a city of stars, and it's like I can feel the whole population bubbling with their own hopes and fears thoughts and....

[Wistful] And... I wish you were here.

I don't mean, like, instead of Storm or anything. I mean... I wish you were here with us.

Not like... [Flustered] Not like that. And I don't mean that I want you to be here all the time or anything.

I mean, I love my time with Storm. I love being with her, and the way she looks at me when we're together. Having her full attention on me is... really special.

But... for a moment like this? For something this beautiful? For something this special?

... I wish you were here with us.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

STORM: Helen, I can see you on the phone, and I know you said you were going to make a call, but do you know what I just realized?

I realized that you are probably not talking to someone in real time. You're probably leaving a voicemail.

I'm not bothered by it, I think it's adorable. I like the way you smile to yourself when you do it.

And hey, if you ever want to leave me long voicemails like Jason and his beau do?

I'll be up for that.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

STORM: [AMUSED, SWEETLY] Hey, Mira, I just wanted to say, if you like leaving messages like Helen does, or like Jason and Kane do? I'd be happy to receive some. I'd love to hear your thoughts any time you wanted to share them.

I just thought I'd tell you that explicitly, because Helen's leaving a message right now, and I suspect it's for you. And I have to say, I love it, I think it's adorable. I think you both are adorable. And I will take any excuse for more contact with or from either of you, in whatever form it may take.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

HELEN: I don't have, like, the material for a long message right now, but...

STORM (off): [Laughs] You're going to leave me a message while I'm standing right here next to you?

HELEN: Yeah. Think of it like a voice selfie. We're marking the occasion with a voicemail.

STORM (off): [Cheeky] Oh, I see. So this is a special memory we're making?

HELEN: Yes!

STORM (off): [Sensually] Well, let's see if this can be picked up by your phone...

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MIRA: [Emotional] Helen! I miss you. That message made me want to hug you for a thousand years.

I know what you mean, though. I don't, like... I don't want us to spend all our time together or anything, but... sometimes I have moments like that with Storm too. When she does something super romantic or super special and it's just like... those moments almost feel incomplete without you.

I hope that doesn't sound weird or something. I just... yeah. I know what you mean.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MIRA: [Cheeky] Well, you've done it now, Storm. Now you're going to get long boring voicemails from me every time I want to talk to you and you're not there. I hope you're ready for that.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

STORM: [Joke-accusingly] Jason! You infected my girlfriends, they both leave sincere and emotional voicemails now!

[Sincerely] Thank you. I never would have expected to look forward to voicemails, but now, a voicemail probably means I get to hear one or both of my girls telling me something beautiful. That's a wonderful and unexpected surprise. You have transformed my relationship with my phone.

I hope everything is going well at the bar. I'll probably see you when I drop Helen home tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Cassette Noise]

JULIE: [Tired] Ugh, baby. I went shopping for you today. It was exhausting. I have to say, this was the first time in this whole process where I've been anything less than thrilled about you.

[Perking up] But! I got a bunch of things. Just the basics. A crib, some linens, a bassinet, a whole bunch of very boring cleaning things, and some baby clothes. I've still got a lot of things that I have yet to get, but this is a good start.

I'm not buying toys or anything fun like that just yet. I'm saving the fun shopping for when you're closer to term. Because from what I've heard, the last few weeks are hard as hell, and I'm gonna need something to keep my spirits up when you're kicking my insides around. So we'll get cute toys and things then. Oh, and booties! Booties are the cutest baby item. Those I am definitely saving for when I'm having a rough time.

[Exhausted] Uuuugggghhhh. I'm sorry, baby. I'm so tired. I gotta go sleep until I feel like a human again. I promise I'll try and make next week's recording more interesting.

Hey - I love you a whole lot though, okay? I love you hugely and deeply and nothing will ever stop me. Although we'll see how you feel about me in return after I've put you in this hideous banana onesie I got today. [Giggles]

[Click]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Storm is voiced by Creatrix Tiara. Helen is voiced by Ashe Connor. Mira is voiced by Tahlia Celenn. Victor is voiced by DL Turnbull. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

Sky High is a real place just outside Melbourne, in the Dandenong Ranges. It’s very beautiful, and definitely a nice place for a romantic date. Learn more about it at skyhighmtdandenong.com.au. That’s sky high, M T D A N D E N O N G dot com dot AU.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 78 - Commonalities

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey, some flowers just arrived at the bar for us! Sunflowers. They're from your sister. The card says "sorry our parents are homophobic jerks", heh.

I... am just now realizing that I have no idea if we own a vase. I'll see if I can find one. Failing everything, we can probably use one of our water jugs, in a pinch.

I love you. And, Maggie clearly loves you too.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey, Maggie. We got your flowers today. Thank you. It really, honestly, does mean a lot.

And... thanks for putting Kane's name on the card, too.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MAGGIE: Of course Kane's on the card. He's your partner. He's family too.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Tired] Hey. Bedtime voicemail, as requested.

I keep replaying your sister's voicemail over in my head. I'm really glad you played it for me, by the way. Thank you.

She said it like it was so obvious. "Of course Kane is on the card". Of course, right?

But... I don't know, I mean... considering everything? It... really matters, for her to think like that. For her to welcome me into her family like that, into your family.

It's a little strange, when I think about it, I mean... I've only met her once. But... that was enough. She saw us together, she saw how happy we are and how good we are together, and that... that was enough.

I've never really had in-laws before. My mother was always the one accepting my partners as her own kids, usually because they had shitty parents like you do. So this is... kind of new, for me, this whole, inheriting new family later in life thing.

But... it's nice. I like it.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey. Yeah... it's nice for me, too. I've never really exposed many boyfriends to my family before. I usually try to keep them away from my parents, and... that has the side effect of keeping them away from my sister, too.

But... well, I mean, you're in for the long haul, so it was gonna happen eventually, and... I don't know, I'm just really glad that Maggie likes you.

All this stuff with my parents and Maggie and the pregnancy and everything, it kind of sucks overall, but... I have to say, I feel closer to my sister than I have in years. Possibly ever.

I wish we could have found our way to this position with a little less family drama, but... I'm glad we got here, regardless of the road taken.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

RICARDO: Kane, it's Ricardo. I've been listening to the tapes your mother left for you.

[Gently] Thank you, by the way, for letting me listen to them. I can only imagine how hard it is to listen to them, let alone share them with other people.

I know you said I could listen ahead of you if I wanted, but... that feels disrespectful, honestly. I can't even really articulate why, it just... does. So... I've caught up to where you were, and I'll keep listening after you're finished with each one.

[Logically] Knowing as much as we can about what's happening for people when they start being able to use magic gets us a little closer to figuring out why it happens and where it comes from. I feel like... I'm getting close to being able to formulate a theory. Or at least I will be, once I get a few more details.

I know you already told me about when you and Jason first started noticing things, but, if you could go through it again, in detail for me, when we're just able to talk, that would be incredibly helpful. There has to be some commonalities somewhere between all these experiences.

[Sigh] I'm about to try talking to Helen about it again. See if I can find out more about how hers works and when it started. Wish me luck.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

RICARDO: [Frustrated] Well, that went about as well as expected.

Helen is absolutely certain there's nothing unusual about her ability to soothe people. She says she's just naturally empathic, and she just cares about people, and she enjoys the ASMR feeling she gets from spending time with people and helping them calm down or cheer up.

"There's nothing magical about it, Ricardo," she said to me. "It's just an interesting mix of psychology and physiology. Which I guess is magical in its own way, but it's still very normal." Ugh!

[Sigh] I... don't want to stress her out about it, so I dropped the subject. Again. I don't know if we'll ever be able to convince her that she's able to do something unusual.

I did learn a little more about when it became more common for her to experience, however. We know that she began to use magic after she'd already been here a little while, but apparently it didn't happen suddenly, it came on very gradually. The tingling feeling on her scalp started very small, and just gradually got more and more intense over time - and practise, I'd imagine.

So that's interesting, because that also seems to be the case somewhat with you and Jason, and with your mother. And I mean... I can feel people using magic, I just can't use it myself, which is another odd ingredient in this stew. It seems to imply that there are stages to magic developing.

So... it may be that there's not a single trigger on this. It may be far more complicated than that.

[Firmly] I will keep researching, and I will keep thinking. I'm sure we will find some answers, if we just keep trying.

[Hangup]

[Cassette Noise]

JULIE: Hey baby. So... the weird mama bear intuition thing continues to grow. And it's gotta be a mama bear thing, because I noticed something this week. Well, two things, actually.

The first thing is that I seem to have developed some kind of strange precognition. It's not particularly useful - it only goes like, five minutes into the future, far as I can tell. Which is why I didn't notice it much at first, because it's very similar to just the normal feeling of watching something play out and knowing how it's going to go, you know?

But... it has started to get kind of spooky. Like knowing I'm about to bump into a long lost friend in the outer suburbs, or knowing I'm about to get a phone call from my Mum, things like that. Things I couldn't possibly predict with just general knowledge or observation.

And the other thing is... whatever it is I can do, whether it's seeing five minutes into the future, making a stronger emotional connection with someone, or soothing someone's pain... it's easier, stronger, and more effective if I'm thinking about you.

If I think about you, if I think about what kind of world I want you to grow up in, if I think about the things I would do for you... whatever feeling is coursing through my veins gets stronger. I can feel deeper, I can soothe easier, I can see clearer.

I'm pretty sure this isn't just a mama bear thing, though. I don't recall any of the mothers I've talked to mentioning that they gained superpowers while they were pregnant. Although a few did develop a superhuman sense of smell. [Chuckle]

So... I don't know why this is happening, but... well, I already knew you were a miracle. I guess I'm just starting to learn exactly how big of a miracle you are.

[Click]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Ricardo is voiced by Justin Jones Li. Maggie is voiced by Shelley Dunlop. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and Instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 77 - Prosperity

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

MIRA: Hey Helen, it's me. Everyone's asleep right now, even Jason.

I was sitting on the lounge, thinking about trying to convince Kane to let us put up fairy lights again, and I was just... overcome with happiness. I know that sounds really corny, but... I was just sitting there, and thinking about the bar, and Kane and Jason, and you, and Storm, and...

I just... god. When did my life get this amazing? How did I get here? And... if this is what life is like now... what's it going to be like later?

I mean... after Sarah and I broke up? I thought that was... it. I was going to be miserable forever. Or at the very least, I'd be alone forever.

[Happy] But I'm not either of those things.

I feel so... lucky. I feel like... I mean, I have a really cool girlfriend, and a best friend I love so much, and... I get to live with people who feel like family, and... every day is fun, here. Even the slow days. Even the sad days are... fine. Because we're all here.

I feel really, really lucky to be here, and... I feel really, really lucky to have you as my closest friend. Thank you so much for being my friend. I love you so much.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MIRA: Oh, hey, actually... before I go to bed, there's something else I wanted to say.

[Awkwardly] This is... my first polyam relationship. And... I know that I'll probably fuck up somewhere. But I... feel really safe, knowing that Storm's other partner is you. I feel like... when I do fuck up, it'll be okay. We'll be able to figure it out somehow.

That kind of certainty? Feeling like it'll be okay, even if I fuck up? I've never... had that before. Not in a romantic relationship.

I feel that way about life sometimes, like... I feel like Kane and Jason will always be here for me, but... dating is a whole different thing, and... it's always kind of scary, even when it's good.

So... it's really impressive that I don't feel scared about this.

So I guess... thank you for being my metamor. Because you're really good at that, too.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

HELEN: Hey, Mira, I think we just missed each other. I woke up stupidly early, and got up before anyone else did. Even Kane.

[Sincerely] I know what you mean. About... all of that, actually. I sometimes worry that our friendship is too intense, like... I'm going to break it, somehow. But... you make it easy to forget how anxious I am about that. When we're actually together, I... almost never worry about it. Which, for me, is... kind of a big deal.

Like, for comparison? I'm always worried Storm is going to get tired of me. Or that Ricardo is actually annoyed by me chatting with him late at night. Or that Tom and Brandon secretly hate me, or that Victor thinks I'm annoying, or that Michael thinks I'm pathetic, or that I scare away customers... [Sigh] The list goes on.

So, you know, I do worry about us, too. But I worry about it... less. That's... pretty big, for me. The only other people I don't worry as much about are Kane and Jason, and... believe me, it's taken pretty much the whole time I've known them to start really believing them when they tell me that they care about me.

But now I do believe them. And... I believe you. I still worry... I mean, I always worry. But I'm not scared. Does that make sense? I'm anxious, but... I'm not scared.

I'm glad you're my metamor too. But I'm even more glad that you're my friend.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

HELEN: Hey, Jason? It's Helen. Mira and I were... exchanging voicemails, because apparently your voicemail habits are contagious, and... I just realized something.

[Sincerely] I know... I know what happened with your parents upset you. And I think... part of the reason for that is that... family is supposed to stand by you no matter what, right? You're supposed to feel safe with your family. And I never did with mine, so... I understand why that hurts.

Anyway. I realized... I feel like that here.

I know I've already said this to you and Kane in various ways ever since I came here, but... I think it only just sank in for me. I knew that I love you guys, I knew that I love this bar, I knew that I love the people here and care about them, and I know that they care about me too. I love this community, and... it loves me too.

But I never really realized that... I feel safe here. Not just welcome, not just cared about, but really, truly, safe.

I've felt safe here ever since that night when I first burst into tears about you guys letting me stay and you just... reassured me. Kane touched my arm, and you touched my shoulder, and you were both so gentle, and you didn't overwhelm me with words or promises... you were just there for me, and it was so.... pure, and real.

I believed you. I felt accepted, and not just like... not just accepted, but embraced.

I'm not... afraid, any more. I'm not afraid of being alone, or being kicked out, or anything like that. Not any more. I feel safe with you.

I feel like... I know that you'd stand by me, no matter what. Like family is supposed to.

Thank you. Thank you for being my family.

[Hangup]

[Cassette Noise]

JULIE: [Thoughtfully] Hey baby. Another... really strange thing happened, this week.

I was bathing one of my friends, and he was in a lot of pain. And I just wanted to comfort him, so I placed my hand on his forehead and told him that I was so sorry he was hurting, and it was okay, just relax.

And... [Scoff] oh, god, this is going to sound so unbelievable. But... suddenly I felt like I could feel inside him. Beneath his skin. Between his muscles. As deep as his bones. And I could feel the virus, and all the infections inside him, hurting him.

And I got... I got so angry, baby. I got so angry at this thing in my friend that was making him hurt so much. And I felt like I was... pulsing that anger, all through my body.

But... anger isn't what you need to have, in those moments. Anger is for later. Anger is for the doctors and nurses who refuse treatment. Anger is for the government not doing enough to help.

So I took a deep breath, and I let the anger go. And as I focused on my friend... I felt all my care and compassion towards him run cold through my body, instead. Not... not freezing cold. Gentle cold. Like the water in the bay on a warm day.

I... let that cold flow into him, through my hand on his forehead. And... he sighed, the kind of sigh that only people in tremendous pain can make, that they do when the waves of pain lessen for a moment.

And then he went to sleep. Just like that. For the first time in hours and hours and hours.

I need to know... if that was me. If I did that. If I can do it again.

If I can do this again, if I can do more of it... I could help so many of these people. I could soothe so much pain.

I need to... I need to figure this out. I guess... I guess I'll just try again, next time I'm in the right position to do so.

[Click]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Mira is voiced by Tahlia Celenn. Helen is voiced by Ashe Connor. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 76 - We're Here For You

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

STORM: [Angry] Jason, it's Storm. Helen just told me about what happened with your parents. Fuck, my friend, I am so sorry. I'm also angry as hell, and if you need someone to set their lawn on fire or something, you call me, okay? What fucking arseholes. How dare they try and get between you and your family? Your real family, the one loves you? What complete fuckheads.

Fuck 'em. I've got your back and I know everyone else at the bar does too.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MICHAEL: [Caring] Hey, Jason, it's Michael. I just heard about your parents.

Let me know if there's anything I can do for you, okay? Even if it's just... I don't know. Anything. Even just coming back and hanging out for a while. Or watching the bar if you need a break.

Although, I suppose I do those things anyway. But... let me know if they're needed suddenly, or if there's something I can do for you I don't already do. Anything you think of, you just call me, okay?

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MIRA: [Awkwardly] Hey, Jason, it's Mira. I... I've been trying to think of something I can do to help cheer you up, and... I've mostly been coming up dry on ideas.

But... I've been thinking. You know how you keep joking about how if Kane is Papa Bear, then what does that make you? And how come he gets a nickname and you don't? So... I'm gonna put my mind to work, and consult with your nelly boys, and we're gonna come up with a good nickname for you, okay? Something that expresses how much do you for us and how much we love you.

It's not much, but... it's something I can do.

And... you'll let me know if there's anything else I can do, right? Because... I really do want you to feel better. I really do.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[SFX: Background traffic sounds]

VICTOR: [Emotional] Jason, it's Victor. I just heard about your parents and I'm on my way to the bar.

I don't... I don't know what I'm going to do when I get there, but... you were there for me when my parents were horrible, so... I'm going to be there for you. Don't even try and stop me. I'm going to... to... to do something. Probably hug you. And... oh I don't know. But I'm still coming to see you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

RICARDO: [Gently] Hi Jason, it's Ricardo.

I was glad to see you go to bed a bit early tonight. I think you probably need it. You've been looking rough these last couple of days.

I know... I know we've all already told you this in person, but... I want to tell you again. If there's anything I can do for you, you let me know, okay? You... you stayed with me, all through hospital, and you've been there for me whenever I've needed you since.

Please... if there's anything I can do, please call on me. I'm here for you, Jason. You are so important to me, and I owe you so much, and... I hate to see you hurting.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

HELEN: [Gently] Hey, Jason... it's Helen. I just... I just wanted to tell you again, that I'm here for you if you need me.

I know there's not much I can do, but... I'm here. I'm here, and I'm leaving you a voicemail, because I know voicemails are special to you, and... because of that, that means they've sort of become special to me, too. Because you and Kane are so important to me, you're such a big part of my life, and... so much of the good in my life, I'm not sure I'd have, without you.

Everything changed, when I came to this bar. Everything. And I'm grateful for that every single day.

So please. Let me help you however I can. Even if it's just... wiping tables, or making you tea, or something. I just... I want you to feel better. I want you to feel loved.

Because you are. You are so loved, and so valued, and it's ridiculous that your parents can't see and appreciate that. But we're all here for you, even if they're not.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Tenderly] Hey honey. I'm glad you to seem to be sleeping well.

Everyone down here is buzzing. The news about your parents is spreading quickly, and well... people are mad about it. Everyone keeps telling me to tell you that they think you're great, and that you shouldn't listen to your cruel parents, and that you're a better person than your parents could ever hope to be.

Sentiments I agree with, incidentally. I... I've been avoiding bagging your parents themselves too much, because I think their behaviour is the problem, but honestly... what kind of parents are so cruel to their kid? I can't... I can't even imagine being so cold to anyone, let alone someone in my own family.

[Fired up] Like... you know what? They should be fucking grateful to have you as their son! You're so kind, and so cheerful, you make friends everywhere you go, you are a partner in a moderately successful business, you're helping the community... you are a fucking perfect child. You are an incredible person, and it makes me so angry and sad that they can't see that about you.

Fuck them. Fuck them, Jason. They don't deserve you.

You are everything good in this world. I love you so much, so deeply, and the fact you love me too honestly makes me have faith in myself in a way I never did before. If you love me, then I know, I know, that I am doing something right.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MAGGIE: [Exasperated] [Sigh] Jason, why do you never answer your phone? It's not even early or late right now. It's a perfectly normal phone call hour.

Ugh. Anyway, that's... that's not what I called to say.

[Awkward, Sincere] I called to say... I'm sorry.

Not just for our parents, but... for how... how I haven't been on your side as strongly as I should have been, over the years.

I should have... I should have stood up for you the first time they yelled at you for being gay, when we were teenagers. I should have... I should have stood up for you when they kept saying all those horrible things to you. I should have... done something, when they told you to move out. No... when they threw you out.

[Tearful] God, Jason. I'm so sorry. I should have done more. I should have stood up for you more. I should have been there for you more. I should have done so many things.

[Crying] I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I hope you can forgive me, but I understand if you can't. I just... god, I'm so sorry.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Lovingly] Maggie... it's okay. It's okay. You were as scared of them as I was. I understand. I really do.

You're... forgiven. It's okay.

[Tearful] Thank you, though. For being sorry. And for standing up for me now.

I love you. I'm... I'm really glad you're my sister.

[Hangup]

[Cassette noise]

JULIE: I want to tell you something important.

A lot of people in the world, they think a family is a group of people who are related either by blood, or by marriage.

But that's an incomplete answer. Because you see... not all families are related. Sometimes they are, and sometimes they aren't. Sometimes there's marriage, and sometimes there's not. Sometimes families live together, and sometimes they don't.

And you can have a family that's made up of all of the above, too. You can be related to some of your family and married to others. Live with some and not live with others. None of those things dictate whether or not you're a family.

Do you want the complete answer, to what family is?

A family is a group of people who love each other, and who look after each other.

That's it. That's the entire definition.

You can choose your family, or you can inherit it, or you can do both. There's no reason your chosen family can't include people you're related to by blood. And there's no reason you can't consider people you're not related to your family.

All you need to have a family, is someone who you love and who loves you too, and who you can look out for and who looks out for you. That's it. That's all you need. Which means you can have a big family, or a small one, or a complicated one, or a simple one. Families can look like anything. There's no limit, and there's no average.

A family is a group of people who love each other and who look after each other. That's all.

And that's everything.

[Click]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Storm is voiced by Creatrix Tiara. Michael is voiced by Oscar Sabogal. Mira is voiced by Tahlia Celenn. Victor is voiced by DL Turnbull. Ricardo is voiced by Justin Jones Li. Helen is voiced by Ashe Connor. Maggie is voiced by Shelley Dunlop. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 75 - Unexpected Wounds

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

MAGGIE: [Serious] Jason, it's Maggie. I think Mum and Dad might be planning to call you sometime soon. If they do... [Sigh] Look, maybe just... don't answer the phone. And delete any messages they leave you. Just... trust me, okay?

I hope you and Kane are doing okay. We'll talk again soon.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Maggie, that was an incredibly cryptic message you left me. What's going on? Call me back.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Depressed] Hey Kane, so... I should have listened to my sister.

My parents called this evening, just after you went to bed. I answered the call, despite Maggie's warnings, because I was like... I wanted to know what the hell was going on, right?

I shouldn't have answered it. They... they told me to stay out of Maggie's life. To stop seeing Maggie and her quote-unquote, "real" family. They don't uh... they don't want me "corrupting" their grandchild with my "lifestyle".

I thought... [Tearful] I thought this was over. I thought... I mean, I know they don't accept me, but I thought... I thought we'd come to some kind of truce, you know? We don't talk any more, but we also don't hurt each other any more.

I also thought... I thought I was over feeling hurt about this. I thought they couldn't make me feel bad any more. I stopped caring about what they thought, I got angry at them, I try not to think about them, I thought-- I thought...

[Crying] I can't do this. I can't do this. I'm...

[SFX: [off] door knocking]

HELEN: [off] Jason, what's wrong?

JASON: I need to wake Kane up. Can you watch the bar?

HELEN: [off] Yes, of course. Are you okay?

JASON: No... no I'm not.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

HELEN: Hey, Jason. Ricardo and I just closed up the bar. Everything went fine.

[Cautiously] I... I understand if you don't want to talk about what's happening, but... I'm here for you if you need it, okay?

[Awkwardly] I've never... I've never seen you cry before, and... I just... I hope you're feeling better by the time you listen to this.

I love you, okay? We all do. We're all here for you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Gently] Hey honey. I hope... I hope you're sleeping okay. You were still a bit fitful when I got up. Hopefully you settle down for a while.

Helen's really worried about you. So are Ricardo and Mira. And... to be honest, I'm a little worried about you too. I've never seen you break down like you did last night.

But... it's okay that you did, okay? Don't take our concern as an implication you shouldn't be upset, or that you should get over it quickly or something. You absolutely should be upset about this, it's completely fucked. What your parents said to you is cruel.

I know I already told you that last night but I'm telling you again, because it's true, and it's important. You're not upset over nothing here. This is really fucked.

[Sigh] I love you. I love you so much.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey. I've been okay this evening. Mira made me a literal flower crown to cheer me up, and honestly, it's pretty hard to be super sad while wearing a flower crown.

I'm still... well, I'm not great. I don't know how to deal with this. It's weird, right, because... I thought my parents couldn't hurt me any more. Honestly, truly, I really thought that. I thought that... once I recovered from how they reacted to you at Maggie's wedding, it was like... well, that's definitely a lost cause, right? So I can stop worrying about it.

And it's not even like I was worried about it much in the first place! I've built my life in such a way that my parents' approval does not matter one goddamn bit. I mean... fuck. Remember how I got you to get my Dad to call me to prove you could do magic? At that point he hadn't talked to me in about six years. And aside from the wedding and the phone call yesterday, he hasn't talked to me again since then, either. And I was fine. I was fine! So why the fuck is this hitting me so hard?

I just... I'm upset, and then I'm angry at myself for being upset, and it's this whole stupid circle.

[Sigh] I love you. I'm sorry that you have to deal with me like this.

I'm sorry. I'm just... I'm sorry.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Jason. Don't be sorry for being upset, or for me helping you when you're upset. That's what I'm here for. It's okay.

Besides, it's only fair, right? I mean, I've spent a lot of our relationship leaning on you for comfort. It's only right that I can do the same for you.

I love you. It's all right. I'm here for you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MAGGIE: [Angry] Jason, it's Maggie. Dad told me that they called you and talked to you.

I am--I am so angry, I can't even think straight. Jason, you listen to me. Fuck them. Fuck them! I love you, and Brad loves you, and our baby is going to love you, and don't you dare stay away from us.

You're my brother and you're part of my family, and I know we don't see each other often, but Jason, please believe me - I want you in my life, I want you in my baby's life.

Please don't stay away. Please.

[Hangup]

[Cassette Noise]

JULIE: Hey there baby. So... that whole "you being more real now that I have a bump" thing? It has had an unexpected side effect.

This week, I found myself having these overwhelming moments of fear. What if I'm a bad mother? What if I screw you up? What if you grow up and you hate me? What if I deserve it?

I got really down on... Monday, I think it was. And Priya came home to find me crying on the couch, tissues everywhere. Apparently I looked a right mess.

It was kind of strange, because... I haven't had any of these fears until this week. It's like they all just came crashing down on me at once. One moment I'm fine, then next moment, I am terrified!

So... I called my mother, your grandmother, to ask about it. I needed to know if she'd had the same fears when she was pregnant with me, you know?

And, unsurprisingly... yes. She'd had the exact same fears. She laughed and told me that she felt like having those fears means you understand the enormity of what it means to be a parent.

So... that's sort of comforting, I guess. I'm normal, for once.

We talked about it some more, and... she told me about some of the mistakes she made with me when I was a kid, and how they still eat her up inside sometimes. And you know the funny thing? I didn't even remember half of them. And the ones I did remember, even the ones that had left a less than ideal impression on me? I understood them. I understood how they happened, I understood where she was coming from when she did whatever she did.

And after a while, she got very sad, and she asked me if I forgave her for her mistakes. And baby, I--I started crying. Of course I forgave her. Of course. People are strange and messy creatures, and we make mistakes, even in child rearing. No one is perfect, not even mothers.

And I realized, it's easy to forgive honest mistakes. When someone is truly sorry, and when you know they did their best, it's easy to forgive them.

But that's the thing - there's a difference between making mistakes, and being a bad parent. I had one of each. My mother was a good parent who made mistakes. My father was a bad parent.

I never once, for a single moment in my life, doubted that my mother loved me and wanted what was best for me. Even when she hated decisions I made, or disagreed with opinions I had, she always gave me the freedom and support to be myself and live my own life. She respects me just as much as she loves me. And because of that, I support and respect her too, and love her so dearly, more than I could express.

My father on the other hand, never showed any love or respect for me. He did not care about me, only himself. The only time he thought of me was when it affected him. So in return, I do not think of him either. He does not deserve my consideration.

And I realized... as long as I love you very hard, as long as I support you in being the best person you can be, as long as I do my best with you and treat you kindly and fairly... I think we'll be okay, baby. I really do. Even if I make mistakes, I think we'll be okay.

I know a lot of people who were disowned by their parents, or hated by their parents, and that's... I never, ever feared that from my mother. And I never want you to fear that from me.

So I promise you, okay? I promise to love you forever, I promise to always be here for you, I promise to always respect you, and I promise I will always support you. Because that is what good mothers do.

[Click]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Maggie is voiced by Shelley Dunlop. Helen is voiced by Ashe Connor. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 74 - Inheritance

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Surprised] Jason! I've been listening to Mumma's tapes, and... I think maybe she had the same kind of powers that we do!

There's been a couple of subtle things, but... in the most recent one, she described something that sounds just like our ability to feel each other's feelings and soothe people. I'll play the tape for you when you get up.

I'm really... shocked. I mean, people always said she was a witch, but I just... I thought they were being mean, or funny if they were friends of hers. But... from the sounds of it... I think she was. I think she could do the same stuff we can do. She's describing experiences that are a lot like ours.

Not exactly like ours, though. Like... she's also having hallucinations, or... fuck, maybe they're not hallucinations. But she sees people who aren't there, just like... to the side. Maybe they're... I don't know, ghosts or something? I have no idea.

And she says she's been having really accurate intuition, which... I mean, we don't have anything like that, as far as I know. I mean, I guess the feelings we have right before we affect luck is a little bit like that, in that it helps us tip luck in a particular direction, but... that's not really the same thing.

But when she was talking about how she perceives and can affect emotions... that sounds like what we can do, even if the delivery is a bit different.

I... I know we talked about this possibility, way back at the beginning when we were just discovering our magic, but... I don't know. This... this is huge. She might have been like us.

But I keep coming back to something. If she really was a witch, if she really had magic, just like we do...

[Emotional] Why didn't she ever tell me?

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe. Hope you're sleeping okay.

I hope... I hope you have good dreams, and you don't wake up upset wondering about your Mum again.

I... I don't know why she didn't tell you. I wish I did. Maybe we'll find out if we keep listening to the tapes? I mean... you didn't even know these tapes existed, which is kind of weird. Like... you'd think she would have mentioned them to you at some point, even if it was just like, "oh, I recorded some tapes for you back when I was pregnant but they got lost", or something like that.

If it helps at all... not only do we know that she probably had the same magic that we do, but... we know when it appeared. We know it happened... when she was pregnant. Which, okay, when I started out on this train of thought, I was like "maybe we can figure out where it comes from!", but like... I mean, neither of us has ever been pregnant, as far as I know. I mean, obviously I haven't, since I don't have the equipment. So... clearly that wasn't the trigger for us.

So... fuck. What then? What turns this on? Where does it come from?

Ugh, I feel like this discovery has just... left us with more questions than we had before. And the only answer we've found is "yes, Julie Baxter was probably a witch". Which... we already suspected anyway.

[Sigh] Well. We'll figure it out. Hopefully.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey. Quiet morning today, not as many customers as usual. Which is kind of good, because it means I can slink off for a few minutes to leave you a message, and know that Helen won't be overwhelmed watching the bar for a bit.

I... ugh. I know what you mean about more questions. So many more fucking questions.

And I can't... I can't think of anything we have in common with her, in terms of what might have started all this. We weren't the same age, we weren't going through the same things... I don't think we even all went to the same place or something, aside from the fact we all live in Melbourne, which... as far as I know, not every god damn Melburnian can do magic, so... I don't think that's it.

[Sigh] I guess if there are any answers, they'll be in further tapes.

I wish... I wish I felt up to listening to them all at once. I just... can't, though. I just can't. It's too painful. Hearing her again, and... now, knowing that we have something in common that I didn't know about while she was alive, I just... [Tearful breath]

I'm sorry. I'll get through the tapes eventually, I will. It's just... it's so hard to listen to them.

I miss her so much.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey. I love you. And your mother loved you. So, so much.

And I'll remind you again: you take all the time you need to listen to the tapes. We'll travel this course on your pacing.

[Hangup]

[Cassette Noise]

JULIE: [EXCITED] Hi baby! I can kind of see you now! There's a little iddy biddy bump in my belly now. That's you! You're a little bump!!

It's made me really realize... what I'm doing when I make these tapes. I mean... I feel like until now, you've been somewhat theoretical, you know? I'm making recordings for someone that might not be real.

But now... now you're real! Now I can see you, and it's not just on a fuzzy ultrasound! You're here! And that's... also kind of weird, because you're inside me, and that's strange to think about. I know it's natural and all, but... it's still strange. Strange and very, very wonderful.

But, yes. It feels a little odd now, to make recordings for you when I can see you. I mean, I can talk to you anyway. You won't understand me, but... everyone I've talked to who's been pregnant says they're sure babies can still hear us, so... hopefully you still enjoy the sound of my voice, even if you have no idea what I'm on about.

But you know... I like making these tapes. They've become almost... like a diary. But not as extensive, or as serious. Just... a weekly check in. And that's really nice.

I mean, I reckon they'll make a pretty good 21st birthday present, or something like that. I mean, I wish I had something like this from my mum. That would be really amazing.

So, I'm going to keep making these tapes for you. And... I'm probably going to talk to you more in general, now that you're more noticeable.

I love you so much, baby. I can't wait to be able to hear you talk back.

[Click]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 70 - Changes

[Dial tone]

[Hangup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

MIRA: Hey Papa Bear, it's Mira. I hope it's okay if I leave you another rambly message. I'm just... I'm full of emotions, and I think I just... need to get them out... somewhere.

[Chuckles] I should probably take up journalling or something, but... for now, this is what came to mind. I hope it's okay.

I just finished helping Helen get ready for her date. I braided her hair for her. She looks really beautiful.

She was so excited, it was like she was glowing. I was so happy to see her like that. She's so good at making everyone else happy, I just... I just want her to be happy too.

[Awkwardly] I'm... I'm also... honestly, I'm kind of jealous. Storm is so... [Sigh] She's so hot, and she's so amazing, and I just... I'm just jealous. I wish she wanted to be with me, too.

[Seriously] Please don't tell Helen, okay? I don't want her to think I feel anything even slightly bad about this. I don't want her to think I'm not happy for her, because I absolutely am. I just... kind of wish I was going along too, I guess.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MICHAEL: Kane, it's Michael. Thank you so much for the extra work. I know it was Victor's idea, and, believe me, I have thanked him too, and will probably keep thanking him for quite a while yet. But you and Jason didn't have to agree with him, so please know that I appreciate it so much that you did. Things are going to be a lot easier for me from this point on. Thank you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey honey, thought you'd like to know that Helen came home with a smile bigger than the sun this morning. I asked her how her date was, and she said "it was really good", and then proceeded to blush pink as pink could be. I think it's safe to say that Storm treated her very well.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Yawn] Hey. Bedtime voicemail as requested.

I'm really proud of Victor. I know that sounds kind of condescending, but... I mean, shit, I didn't think the kid that showed up so long ago would be leaving us messages saying he's covering someone else's rent and looking for multiple jobs because he wants to help people.

I figured... I figured he'd just get stable and move on, you know? I figured... we'd help him, and things would get better for him, and then... then he'd move on and we'd... lose him.

Wait, that sounds a bit too dramatic. I don't mean like, we'd never see him again. Just that... he'd stop being a part of our daily lives, you know?

But that hasn't happened at all. He's still ours. He still cares for us and everyone here. In fact it's because of that care that he's moving forwards. That's... is it weird if I say that it's inspiring? It is, though. It inspires me. Victor is doing everything he can do within his means to make the world better, and...

Just, damn, Jason. I love that kid. I love that kid so much.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe. Good night tonight. A few customers, mostly regulars. Helen and Mira sat up the back of the bar talking and laughing and blushing... I can only assume they were talking about Helen and Storm's date.

I know what you mean about Victor. I'm proud of him too. I honestly sometimes forget that he's not actually my little brother or something. I love him dearly.

And... I'm glad to be able to pass the job to Michael. It feels like... it feels like that's become another way for us to help people out, you know? We have folks living with us when they need it, and... we can afford to employ someone when they need that, too.

Heh, we might need to consider franchising or something if we wanna go much further down that road. Which... oh god, I'm getting a headache just imagining that. Let's not do that. Let's stick to our single employee situation. God.

[Sigh] Ah, I should close up. I love you. And I love that we can help people out.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Good morning!

I love that we can help people out too. To steal Victor's metaphor, I think... I think we're starting to really appreciate the plants blossoming in our garden.

[Hangup]

[Cassette Noise]

JULIE: Hey baby. It's been... it hasn't been a very good week.

So... I guess now is an appropriate time to tell you a little bit about how you came to exist. Because that kind of feeds into what made this week so hard.

So, you know that my only romantic partner right now is Priya. Priya doesn't have the kind of body that could get me pregnant. And most of our friends are aware of this. So... most of them assume that I got you by using a sperm donor.

But I didn't use a donor. You happened naturally. It's part of what makes you such a miracle.

The thing is... when some people find out that I didn't use a donor, they think I cheated on Priya. And I didn't, sweetheart, I promise you, Mumma didn't lie to anyone or hurt anyone to have you.

You see, we're allowed to love as many people as we want, for as long or as short a time as we want, both Priya and I. And sometimes we only love someone for a night, or a weekend. And that's all right, because we all agreed to it.

I loved a very kind and gentle man for a weekend, and that's where you came from. He is a very good friend of mine, from up in Queensland. I don't get to see him much. But he was down here in Melbourne for a little while, and so it was lovely to spend some time with him.

Some of my friends... they don't understand that it was okay. They think that even though me, and Priya, and him, we were all okay with it... they still think it was still a bad thing to do.

And some of them... some of our friends, they think it was a bad thing just because he's a man. There are some women who think that... they think that men make women dirty. That if you've loved a man, that means you're not good enough to love women.

They're all wrong, of course. About both of those things. But... they've been mean to me about it, so... it's been a hard week. Some of my friends... well, I've found out they aren't really my friends, I guess is the best way to explain it.

[Sigh] This too will pass. I'll be okay. It just hurts right now. But it will be okay.

We'll both be okay.

[Click]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Mira is voiced by Tahlia Celenn. Michael is voiced by Oscar Sabogal. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 69 - Nice

[Dial tone]

[Hangup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

STORM: [Gently] Hey, Helen, it's Storm. Listen... I think you're beautiful, and kissing you was... well, it was an experience like no other. You are so soft, and stunning, and... just so, so nice.

Your eyes are such a deep brown and so beautiful... when you look down at me, all it makes me want to do is make you feel even half as amazing as I did when you kissed me.

I'm coming by the Best of Luck Bar tonight after work, and... if you're there, I'd like to talk to you. I have something to ask you - and no, it's nothing bad, so don't worry about that.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe, want to hear something utterly fucking adorable?

So, Storm came by after work, and I was like "hey!", thinking she was here to hang out, but no, I was wrong, she was not here to hang out. She was here to ask Helen out.

She had a fucking long stemmed rose, and she fucking bowed when she presented it to Helen. It would have been extremely corny on anyone else, but somehow Storm pulled it off and just made it really romantic, actually.

And Helen? Fuck, man. I haven't seen her light up like that in... ever? Yeah, I'm racking my memory and I don't remember her ever looking that radiant before.

In case it's not obvious by this point in the message, she said yes, by the way. They're going out on like, Thursday, I think.

So, there's some adorable news for you to wake up to. Helen's got a date with an excellent lady.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

HELEN: Hey Papa Bear, it's Helen. I can't sleep, and I thought... maybe it'd be okay if I left you a message. I think I saw Jason on the phone earlier, so... you probably already know what happened to me earlier tonight.

[Happy] I've never felt like this before. I mean, I've felt... you know, I've had crushes before, and I've felt butterflies in my stomach before, but... [Sigh]

It wasn't just that she asked me out. Obviously that's... I mean, I'm so excited. But it's not just that. She... [Giggle] she specifically asked if she could court me. Which is... [Laughs] It's so old fashioned and silly, but... it's also really sweet.

It makes me feel... treasured, I guess? I feel like I'm something special to her, even if she doesn't know me very well yet. She still thinks I'm special enough that she really wants to dedicate some time to seeing me.

That's... That's just so nice. I feel really happy.

[Sigh] Thanks for listening, Papa Bear. I hope you're sleeping well. I hope I do, too, when I get there.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

VICTOR: [Serious] Hey, Jason, it's Victor. I've been thinking, and... I want Michael to take over all my work at the Best of Luck Bar. You can give all my remaining shifts to him.

He's still not having any luck finding another job, and I... I have better odds than him. I've actually got a couple of leads in the works for a couple of jobs, so uh... yeah.

I've also decided to cover his rent. Permanently. Or at least, for the foreseeable future. Things are hard enough for everyone right now, and... anything I can do... [Sigh] I just want to make things a bit easier for him.

I want to do everything I can, you know? To make the world a bit better. I want... I want to help people. Like you guys helped me.

[Cheeky] Don't think you're getting rid of me, though. I still plan to come and hang out and annoy you as much as I possibly can. So don't get comfortable. I'm still that annoying stray cat that showed up and didn't leave because you fed him.

[Serious] I'll talk to you later, man. And thanks. For everything.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[Cassette noise]

JULIE: Hey there, baby. You've been a lot nicer on the morning sickness front this week. Thank you for that.

[Thoughtful] You know, it's really strange how much I love you already. You're not even real yet, in a lot of ways. I'm not showing, I can't feel you kicking, and obviously you're a long way from being born. But... god, do I love you. I love you harder than I've ever loved anything before in my life.

It's so strange, when you start to love someone. You're doing just fine in your life, minding your own damn business, and then all of a sudden, here's this new person! And even though you've lived without them your whole life so far, suddenly it feels like you'd be missing something terribly vital if they weren't here. It's like they're meant to be here, meant to be in your life, so much so that once they're there, you can't imagine life without them any more.

I felt like that with Priya. And now, I feel it again with you.

It's been... really surprising how easy it's been to accept you. I mean... you were a surprise, baby. Pregnancy was not something on my radar. And you'd think it would throw a huge spanner into the works of my life, but... I mean, don't get me wrong, you've definitely made things a bit more complicated, but... it's been easy. It's been easy to accept you.

I never thought you'd exist. But now that you do? I'm so happy, baby. I'm so happy you're here.

[Click]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Helen is voiced by Ashe Connor. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nicola Rummery. Storm is voiced by Creatrix Tiara. Victor is voiced by DL Turnbull. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 68 - Jason the Hookup God

[Dial tone]

[Hangup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

THULIUM: Hey, Jason! Happy birthday! Can't wait to see you tonight, it's gonna be amazing! [Kiss] Mwah!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

VICTOR: Hey, Papa Bear, Michael and I are running a bit late, which is our own damn fault--

MICHAEL: Your fault.

VICTOR: --my damn fault, because I took kind of a long time to get ready, and anyway, never mind, we're on our way now so we should be there soon.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

STORM: Jason! It's Storm! Happy birthday!

I'll be around when my shift is done, and we are gonna dance like we're possessed! So you get ready for that!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[Background FX: loud music downstairs]

KANE: Hey honey. Sorry I tapped out before the party ended. I know you get it and you don't mind, but.. I'm still sorry. The early mornings kind of make late night parties a bit impossible for me these days.

[Happy sigh] You looked so happy tonight. At first I was really worried that tonight wouldn't be as exciting as your 30th, and that would somehow be really disappointing, but... I mean, milestone birthdays are meant to be above average, right? So, it's okay this one is a bit less structured.

[Happy sigh] You look so goddamn blissful when the music is loud and the lights are dim. Like... really in your element. It makes me really happy just to see you like that.

[Yawn] I love you, Jason. Happy birthday. I hope the rest of your night is even half as amazing as you are.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[Background FX: Loud music/people]

JASON: [Shouting, exuberant] I am the hookup god! I am god of all hookups! Kane, your boyfriend is a god of love, okay?? I'm like fucking cupid or something!! I'm amazing!! Fuck yeah!!!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Tired, happy] Hey babe. Party's pretty much over now. I'm just outside for some fresh air before I head up to bed.

We've got a few people crashing on our floor for the next few hours, so... just be aware of that when you get up. But I told them they all have to help you set up for the day, that's the price of getting to crash. So you should at least get some help in the morning.

[Happy sigh] I love you. I love people. I love how messy and stupid and beautiful and loving they are. I love feeling a mass of us at once, you know? It feels like... spiritual. Like I can feel... everything beyond me. Everyone who came before, and everyone who comes after, and everyone I'm currently with. I feel like I can... I feel like I can touch humanity, sometimes. All of it. Good or bad.

[Amused] Heh, I have no idea if that makes sense, it's probably kinda silly. But that's okay. It's a good feeling, so I'm gonna hold onto it while I can.

But most of all, Kane? Most of all, I love you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Oh my god, I almost forgot to tell you. Helen made a comment about wanting to dance and feeling super self conscious about the idea of dancing alone, right? So I slithered over to Storm and pointed her in Helen's direction, and she was like, hell yeah.

So she went over and asked Helen to dance, and Helen got all flustered but agreed, so they danced for like, half an hour or something? Then they sort of scuttled to the back of the bar, and sure enough, when I looked over there later, they were making out!

So that's a very exciting development. I'm looking forward to seeing where that goes!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

EILEEN: Hey, Jason, it's Eileen. I just wanted to say, thank you so much for inviting me to your birthday party.

[Smitten] I kind of... I mean, I was planning to just go hang out for a bit, but... well, then I met Alex, and my whole night changed.

I have no idea where that might go, but... I'm excited to find out. So... thank you. I think your birthday party found me a sweetheart.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey honey. You'll be glad to hear that our crashers were all very helpful in cleaning up and setting things up for today.

I'm really glad you had such a good time. I mean... that was the whole reason for it, after all. And... I know what you mean about feeling like you can touch humanity. Sometimes I feel like that too. Like... I don't know how to explain it. Like... you know that feeling, sonder? The one that's when you realize everyone else has as much of a complex life as we do? It's a little bit like that, I think, only instead of just realizing everyone else's life is as complex and beautiful as mine is, it's like I've brushed my hand up against the web that everyone's combined lives make. It's... a really beautiful feeling.

Oh, and Helen was looking very, very happy when we had breakfast this morning. I asked her how her night was after I went to bed, and she got all flustered and blushy. So... yeah. Exciting developments indeed.

[Hangup]

[Cassette button press]

JULIE: [Cheerful] Hey baby. Week eight! I will probably get tired of announcing what week it is at some point, but... it's still pretty exciting right now.

I keep wondering what you're going to be like when you grow up. I know I'm getting ahead of myself, but I can't help it.

Will you be queer, like me? Or will you be straight? Do I even know how to raise a straight kid?

Will you get married? Will you be monogamous? [Laughs] Oh god, are you going to have to come out to me as a straight monogamous person? Oh my lord.

Will you have kids? Will I... wait, wow, will I be a grandmother some day? God, that's weird to think about. But I guess it's something that could happen.

Are you going to want a career? Or are you going to be more like... work to pay for the weekend? Because that's good too, honestly. Life doesn't have to be about work.

[Thoughtful] It's weird, because... I have all these hopes for you. Like... I hope you'll be queer, I hope we have that in common, you know? And I hope that... regardless of whether it's a career or just a hobby, I hope that you find some activity that makes you feel fulfilled, you know? I hope that you find that you have purpose in life.

I hope... [Laughs] I hope you'll eat your vegetables, and... I hope you'll be creative, like an artist. I hope you make a tonne of friends. I hope you find someone you love, or lots of someones, and they love you too, and you spend your lives happy to be involved with each other.

But, you know... those are just my hopes, and they're mine. Maybe you'll hate art. Maybe you'll hate romance. Maybe you'll want to be a banker, and spend your free time hiking, or playing board games with just a couple of close friends.

And if so? Then that's perfect. Your life is yours, my sweet baby. I'm so excited to bring you to life, and I'm so excited to be your mother. But your life is yours. Don't let me tell you what you need to be happy. You can figure that out for yourself, okay?

[Click]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nicola Rummery. Victor is voiced by DL Turnbull. Storm is voiced by Creatrix Tiara. Michael is voiced by Oscar Sabogal. Eileen is voiced by Abigail Michell. Thulium Rhydderch is voiced by Bismuth. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

Episode 67 - Time Capsule

[Dial tone]

[Hangup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

HELEN: [Worried] Hey, Jason, it's Helen. I'm a little worried about Kane? He was out the back, crying, and... I asked him if he wanted me to go wake you but he said no, he was fine. But... people who are crying aren't usually fine.

I don't really know what to do, so... I told him I'd make him some tea, and that's what I'm doing now. I guess... I'll take it out to him and see if I can make him feel a bit better. I don't know how, but... I'll try.

But yeah, I just wanted to give you a heads up. I hope he's okay.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Tired] Hey honey. I'm having some trouble sleeping, so... I'm the one leaving a late night voicemail for once.

I'm sorry again for worrying you and Helen. Hearing Mumma's voice again was just... it was just so much. It was so much, Jason. I felt like... god, how do I even describe it.

I felt like I was every age I've ever been. I felt like I was a little kid, and a teenager, and a young adult... I felt so happy to hear her, but I also felt devastated to remember that she's gone, and how much it hurt to lose her.

[Wistfully] I... I could suddenly remember her more clearly. Sometimes when I remember her, all I can remember is her hair - it was really tightly curly, and as it got longer it got bigger, and sometimes she'd get highlights and it made her look like she was permanently lit by the sun.

But hearing her again, I could picture her face, and her shoulders, and the clothes she used to wear. I remembered that she used to wear rose oil as perfume, and I could almost smell it again.

It was... also really strange, because... she sounds so young on the tape. When she recorded these, she was only a few years older than I am now. And I mean... I guess at least that's a normal thing to feel strange about, I think most people forget our parents used to be young once.

I don't feel bad, I really don't. I wasn't crying because I felt bad. I just felt... overwhelmed, I guess. Hearing her voice again is like being haunted. It's like I can feel her with me again. And that's by no means a bad feeling. It's just... very intense.

[Sigh] I should probably try and get back to sleep. I could really use the rest.

I love you. See you tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

HELEN: [Gently] Hey Papa Bear, it's Helen. I'm just about to head to bed and I just thought... well, I know you check your voicemails every day, and... I just wanted to tell you that I hope you're feeling better.

And... I hope that it doesn't hurt too much to listen to the tapes. But I'm here for you if you need me, okay? If you need a hug or another cup of tea, just... let me know.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe. Good night, tonight, lots of customers. Just closed up, and for once I'm not the last person to bed! Tom and Brandon and Ricardo are playing board games. I considered joining them, but frankly I am not smart enough to understand what they're playing, so. I've just been hanging out behind the bar like usual.

And hey, don't apologise too hard for crying. Sure, we were worried about you, but we get it. This is kind of a big deal. Personally, I'm pretty glad at least someone had a good enough relationship with their mother that they get emotional over hearing her voice.

You let me know if there's anything I can do for you all through this, okay? Anything you need, I'll make it happen.

And Kane? It sounds like your mum was really beautiful. I think she must have been. You'll have to find a picture to show me, sometime. We'll make room to put it up on the bookshelf.

I love you. I hope you sleep really, really well.

[Hangup]

[Cassette button press]

JULIE: [Cheerful] Hi there, baby! It's week seven. You've been doing a lot of work making me feel very nauseous, so if you could knock that off for a bit, I'd really appreciate it.

So, I guess I should tell you a bit more about myself. Let you know what kind of person you're ending up with. In terms of who am I am other than just your Mumma. I mean, I guess that's the most important bit. But who is Mumma? Well, let's see.

I live in Melbourne, with my partner Priya. We've been together for... I think three or four years? About that. We're not super into anniversaries, so... it's easy to lose track.

We met at the Women's Dance at the St Kilda Town Hall, and I fell in love with her instantly. We pretty much arrived at that dance having never met, left it together, and have been that way ever since.

Priya is the only partner I have right now, but it might not always be that way. I've never much been one for monogamy, and thankfully, almost everyone I've been with has felt the same way. I say "almost", because I've definitely been dumped for not wanting to be exclusive. But in the end, that's okay. It's good to be able to break up if you can't be happy together. That's a good thing.

Hmm, what else? I work at the Brashs in the city. That's a music store. It's not very exciting work, but it pays the bills and I like my coworkers.

None of them know about Priya, though. Straight people are... not very nice about people like us. Hopefully when you're grown up, that will have completely changed, and you won't understand this part of these tapes at all.

I like to garden. I have a lot of pot plants on our balcony. I'd love to move somewhere with a real garden some day, and some chickens, too. [Moved] Oh, wouldn't you love to grow up with chickens? I think that would be wonderful.

I have a lot of friends, all different types of people. You're going to grow up knowing so many people! It's going to be lovely, and you're going to be able to learn so many different things!

I'm not sure how my life is going to change once you're born. I'm told that it will be really hard. And I'm sure it will. But I think it's going to be really good, too. I think we're going to have a lot of really fun adventures together. You and me and all our friends. And maybe some chickens, too. [Chuckles]

[Click]

Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Helen is voiced by Ashe Connor. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

Episode 66 - Julie

[Dial tone]

[Hangup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe, so, I've made about ten million phone calls, or at least it feels like it, but I've finally found someone with a cassette player who's happy to lend it to us.

He's a night owl like me, so I'm probably going to head over and pick it up tonight after I close up. He's actually just over a little past Fitzroy Street, so it won't take too much time or effort.

Love you. See you tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Happy] Hey! So, slight change of plans, Victor and Storm are coming with me to pick up the cassette player, and then we're going to stop by the beach for a bit before I come home.

So if you wake up and I'm sandy or something... sorry? I promise I'll wash the sheets tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[OCEAN BACKGROUND]

JASON: Hey gorgeous. The water is damn fucking fine tonight. Like, not even cold, it's just like... perfect.

Victor and Storm are still swimming, I just came back to the shore because... I love you, and I was thinking about you, and I wanted to leave you a message.

I wish you were here with us, but... it's good you're getting your sleep. Maybe we can come back to the beach on Monday? Just the two of us?

You know... it's really fucking weird that we don't come to the beach more often. I mean... it's like a twenty minute walk from the bar. You'd think we'd be making more use of that.

Damn, but it's nice though. It's been a long time since I've been at a beach at this hour. There isn't another fucking person around, just us. Which, I mean, shit... you don't usually get this kind of solitude in the city much, you know? There's usually at least a few people around.

Which is kind of cool in its own right, because like... you know that saying "ships passing in the night"? It's like that, it's like... hey, I see you, we're both existing at this really weird moment in the same place and time. And that's special, even if we never interact or see each other ever again.

Heh, I have no idea if that makes sense. You know me. I get weird and sentimental at this time of night.

I love you. I love you so much and so hard. I don't even know if I could ever really express the depth of it. I love you, Kane, I love you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey, I'm home safe, and I'm gonna have a shower before I come to bed so hopefully I won't get sand everywhere.

Just to let you know, I'm going to put the cassette player in that little nook in our bedroom, near the computer. So if you want to start listening to the tapes tomorrow before I get up, that's where you'll find it.

Love you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey. Things are quiet downstairs today. Which is kind of good, honestly, because I'm... I don't know what to do about the tapes.

I don't know whether I should just dive in and start listening now, or if I should wait and listen with you, or... if I should even listen at all.

I mean... [Emotional] what if it just hurts? What if it just hurts to hear her voice again, and I don't get anything positive out of it at all?

[Deep Breath] Ugh, I don't know. I don't know. One moment I think, I should wait until you get up, so I can have you there with me. Then I think, no, I should take a few minutes and do this by myself, she was my mother, we were close, I should be able to listen to this alone.

[Emotional] I don't know, Jason, I'm so confused. I feel like I shouldn't even be in this position. People are supposed to stay dead, you're not supposed to hear anything new from them years later.

I feel like I'm not... like, humans aren't emotionally equipped to deal with this, you know? Ghosts aren't meant to be real. Even tape recorder ghosts. We're not made to listen to the dead.

[Sigh] Well, I think it's pretty clear that whatever I'm going to do, I'm probably going to be a mess either way. Sorry.

I know you don't mind, but... sorry anyway.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey. So... Michael's minding the bar for a while. I've decided to start listening to the tapes.

So... if you come downstairs and I'm not there, don't freak out, I'm just out the back. Probably crying, by the time you come down.

[Deep Breath] Okay. Let's go. Week six, since that's the earliest one that's here.

[Hangup]

[Cassette button press]

JULIE: [Brightly] Hi baby, it's your Mumma, Julie!

I just found out about you. Well, okay, that's not entirely true. I actually found out about you yesterday.

Six weeks pregnant. [Sigh] That was a surprise. For a lot of reasons.

I mean, my age, for one. I'm thirty eight, which is kind of old for a first pregnancy. And... well, doctors told me that I couldn't have kids. They told me that like... ten years ago. I didn't mind, I mean... I was a bit upset about it, but I'd made my peace with it, you know?

My doctor was surprised that I noticed this early, actually. Apparently there's a huge range of times when people notice they're pregnant, but for someone like me who wasn't trying to conceive, it usually takes a bit longer for us to notice.

But I knew something was going on, baby. I knew. My whole body felt different. I can't really describe it, it was just this... feeling. I just knew about you. Somehow.

Anyway... we can't have a real conversation yet, obviously. But... I still wanted to talk to you. So I thought, hey, Priya got me this tape recorder and microphone for Christmas a couple of years ago, maybe I could use that.

So I figured... I'd talk to you, but I'd record it. And then one day, if you want to, you can listen to these tapes, and you can get to know me from a different perspective. I imagine that the person I am to you is quite different from the person I am now.

So, yes. Hi there baby! I wasn't expecting you, but I'm really glad that you're coming. I can't wait to meet you. I love you already.

[Click]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

Episode 65 - The Tapes

[Dial tone]

[Hangup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey Jason. [Anxious] So... I tried calling Priya back again this morning, and... I actually got through to her this time. And... yeah, it sounds like... like the Julie Baxter that she used to know was... was actually my mother.

Apparently they were partners, a long time ago, back in the 80s. They had to break up because Priya got a job at the ANU in Canberra, and... then they just kind of lost touch after a couple of years of long distance friendship.

Anyway, Priya was going through some boxes she had in storage, and she found a box of cassettes that had belonged to Mumma. Not like... not like, music cassettes. Like... personal recordings. Tapes that Mumma had recorded. Apparently they were sent to Priya by mistake, but she just... kept forgetting to return them, until she forgot about them completely.

[Sigh] I... have no idea how to handle this. I feel so out of my depth. I mean... I thought... I thought everything about Mumma was... finished, you know? Like... I grieved, I dealt with all her belongings, I scattered her ashes...

I... I didn't expect to really encounter anything new about her, you know? Like... she's gone. How can there be something new?

But... there is. It's just a box of tapes, but... it's something new. And I have... no idea how to comprehend that, on an emotional level.

[Sigh] Anyway. Priya said she'll post the box to me today, so... it should arrive in a couple of days. Then we can... see what it's all about, I guess.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe. I hope you're sleeping okay.

I talked to Victor and he's happy to take the first half of my shift tomorrow so I can spend time with you instead, okay? I know you said I don't have to, but... you really seem like you're freaking out about these tapes, and I think we need to get your mind off it.

How about we go to the movies? We haven't done that in like... god, two years, or something? Yeah, we are definitely overdue to go to the movies. I'll check some times and see what's on.

I love you. See you tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey. Yeah, the movies sound good. I just had a tiny panic attack about our coffee stock being a bit low, so... clearly I really need some distraction.

Don't worry, by the way, I'm fine now. Helen was around when it happened and she made me feel a lot better. And... I'm pretty sure she did it magically, too. It felt like someone was pouring cool water over my brain.

I... didn't think to ask her about it, though. Sorry. I was mostly just happy to be feeling a bit calm again.

You know, I don't think she does it magically every time she calms people down. Because... today was the first time I felt anything like it from her, and she's been there for me through a lot. Which kind of explains why we never knew about it, I think... she's just like this, naturally. The magic is like... supplemental. Something extra.

Anyway... I'm going to drink some tea and then try to keep busy. I love you. See you when you get up.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

STORM: [Mock accusingly] Jason! It's Storm! I come in before a shift so I can meet your man in person, and neither of you are here! I mean, I'll survive, but I'm terribly disappointed. I'll just have to make sure to come back in after work and wag my finger at you in person.

[Chuckle] But seriously though, the kid behind the bar said you're having a well overdue movie date, so I hope that's going well. I'm making myself plenty at home here anyway. We'll catch up soon. See ya!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

VICTOR: [Excited] Oh my god, Jason, I love Storm. She's amazing. I told her she has to come in the next time we're doing a late shift together so we can all hang out. You gotta remind her of that when you see her too, okay?

Also, she is making one hell of an impression on our customers. I haven't seen this many flustered femmes in a room at once since... ever, really. Storm's putting out some pretty incredible suave butch vibes. Honestly I'm pretty close to re-examining if I'm into women myself.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Tired] Hey honey. Thank you for taking me out today. It really did help, I feel a bit more... well rounded, I guess? I feel like I got a reminder that the whole world doesn't revolve around me, and... yeah, I needed that perspective.

Heh, that makes it sound much more dramatic than it is, but it's the truth. It's easy to get sucked into my own head, so it's nice to be pulled back into the real world for a bit.

[Yawn] Anyway. Thank you. Hopefully I'm about to sleep really, really well, with no anxiety wake-ups at all. That's the hope, anyway. Goodnight.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe. Just closed up, everything went well. I've been popping up to check on you every now and then, and you seem to be sleeping well, so I'm really glad about that.

We sold another one of Michael's paintings tonight! It was that beautifully textured red and orange one. I'm kind of sad to see it leave the bar, to be honest. But I guess that's what I get for not, you know, buying it my own damn self.

Anyway, I love you. See you tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Anxious] Hey. So. A courier just arrived and delivered a big box of cassettes to me.

I... was not expecting Priya to send this via courier. I was expecting to have to wait at least a few days.

I'm... I'm not quite freaking out, but I am definitely something close to freaking out.

[Deep Breath] Okay. I don't need to freak out over this. They're just tapes. Let's see how they're labelled...

[SFX: BOX NOISES]

Wow, that's... yeah. That's Mumma's handwriting. [Quietly] Wow.

[SFX: CASSETTE FUMBLING NOISES]

'Week six'... 'week eight'... 'week twenty'... hmm. They're all labelled with numbered weeks, but... I can't find a 'week one' anywhere, or even a 'week two'. It looks like six is the earliest one? I... have no idea what that means. Are we missing some?

I guess the only way to find out would be to listen to them, but... [Laugh] where the hell am I supposed to find a cassette player?

[Hangup]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Storm is voiced by Creatrix Tiara. Victor is voiced by DL Turnbull. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

Episode 64 - Hard Things To Bear

[Dial tone]

[Hangup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe. So, just like every other time I've gone to bed at a decent hour with you, I slept for a little bit and then woke right back up again. [Sigh] Oh well. I can always nap on the train home tomorrow.

I've just popped outside, I didn't want to risk waking Maggie or Brad, or you for that matter, by talking in the living room or something. I slightly regret it, because I forgot how quiet regional towns are, and so I feel reeeeeal fucking dodgy standing around outside at one o'clock in the morning.

On the bright side, there's not really anyone around to see me looking dodgy, so... maybe it cancels itself out.

[Breathe in] I think I might take a walk, actually. Just a short one. See if I can convince my body to tire itself out or something.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey. I found a nice park. There's possums.

[Sigh] Ah, today was big. And complicated.

It was a really beautiful wedding. I know that's like, a cliche to say, but... it really was. And everyone was in such good spirits, and I know it's exactly what Maggie and Brad wanted, so... it's a winner from that perspective too.

I don't think I've ever seen Maggie as happy as she was today. She looked... literally radiant. Like there was just rays of joy coming off her. Brad, too.

But, uh... [Sigh] It was hard to see my parents. It always is. We're not estranged enough for it to be reasonable to hate seeing them to the point of avoidance, but... they clearly dislike everything about me, so... it's not exactly comfortable.

I mean shit, the only time I've spoken to my Dad in almost a decade was when you magicked him into calling me! And then again today. That's been it. For years.

[Sigh] It's weird, but... I think I was holding out hope that they'd meet you, and then they'd suddenly... get it. Like, they'd meet you and they'd be like "Oh, this is such a nice young man, I'm okay with the fact my son's gay now". Childish, I know.

The thing is, I didn't even know I was holding that hope until we were standing there in front of them and my mother was scowling at us. Then I realized that it wasn't going to happen, and... it hurt.

But... now I know. Now I know that there's nothing I can do. Because if she can't look at you, and see you and me together, and see how happy you make me, and know that this is something good and pure and wonderful? She'll never know. She'll never get it.

I'm sorry about that. About her. About them. I wish they could see how great you are, and how good you are for me. I wish... I wish they could see that I'm happy. I wish they could see that there's nothing wrong with me, with us.

[Sigh] Well. I should walk back now. I love you, Kane. You mean the world to me, and I'm so, so glad to be with you. I have no regrets about anything if it means I'm with you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[FX: Train noises]

KANE: [Sweetly] Hey honey. Just a quick little message while you're napping.

I love you so, so much. I can't imagine life without you. You make every day a good day.

[Gently] And, just to remind you? It's not childish to want your parents to love and accept you. It's normal. It's natural.

I'm sorry your parents can't accept us. But there are lots of people who do. Your sister, and your new brother in law, and our friends, and everyone back at the bar, and probably a lot more even than that. We've still got a family. It just looks a little bit different to the one your parents think it should.

I love you, and it's your parents' loss to not embrace you. You're beautiful and kind and loved by so many people. And especially by me.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MICHAEL: Hey, Ricardo, it's Michael.

I'm having kind of a bad morning, and... well, you said leaving messages on Jason's phone helps you sometimes, so... I'm hoping you don't mind if I try leaving you one. If you don't want me to do this, just let me know, and I won't do it again.

[Downhearted] I still haven't found another job. Victor is covering my rent for this month, and... I feel awful. The money from selling my paintings let me pay him back for last month's rent, but... now I'm behind again.

I don't want to rely on him for this. I thought that I'd be okay, leaving the Best of Luck Bar, I thought... I thought that I could find something. But... it's hard. No one wants to hire me.

And I still have nightmares. About what happened. And... you understand. I try not to talk to anyone else about it, because they don't know what it's like. I don't want them thinking I'm falling apart, you know?

I'm not falling apart. I'm just...

[Plainly] There are scars in me from what happened. And scars are healed flesh, but they're changed. I'm changed. And that's mostly all right. I know my own heart, I know how to get through the day, but... sometimes I just want someone to tell me it will all be okay. I don't want them to pity me while they do it, and I don't want them to treat me like a child for it.

But I know you won't do that, because you know how it is.

I'm sorry that you know how it is. We shouldn't have had suffered it. But I'm glad that we can be there for each other.

Thank you, Ricardo. I feel better having talked about this. Let me know if I can ever do the same for you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

RICARDO: Hey, Michael. I'm sorry I missed your call, but I got your message. And... yeah. I know how it is. Not just the nightmares, either.

I've been relying on Jason and Kane since I got here, and I hate that, sometimes. Needing help to make ends meet feels humiliating.

But you know, I asked Jason about it once, and I bet if you ask Victor about it he'd say the same thing: we're not burdens. They want to help us because they care about us. It's not out of duty or obligation or pity. It's out of love. And we'd do the same for them, if our situations were reversed.

And, Michael? It will be okay. Even if it doesn't feel like it... which it almost never does, at least for me. But my feelings don't change the truth, and the truth is that we will be okay. We have good friends who care about us and want to help us, and they will help make it okay. And we will heal, and our scars will fade, and it will be okay. It will.

And then? Then we can help them too, or we can help the next people who come along and need it. Because by needing help, we know how important it is to receive it.

Bless you, my friend. May we both sleep peacefully tonight.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

PRIYA: Hello, Kane Baxter? My name is Priya Singh. I'm wondering, are you related to Julie Baxter?

I found your number on Facebook. I was looking for people with the surname Baxter in Melbourne, since I couldn't find her specifically, and... well, I saw your picture, and... you look a lot like her.

If you are related to her, please call me back. I have some things of hers that I'd like to return to her, if possible. Thanks.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hi, Priya. Sorry I missed your call, my phone's always on silent.

But... yeah, um... my mother's name was Julie. She... she passed away, a few years ago, though.

I'd... really like to talk to you though, if possible. Um... I'll try calling again tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Ricardo is voiced by Justin Jones Li. Michael is voiced by Oscar Sabogal. Priya is voiced by Gemma Mahadeo. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

Episode 63 - Gardening

[Dial tone]

[Hangup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Gently] Hey honey, I hope you're sleeping okay, but... I'm gonna come wreck it in about an hour. The train we were going to take to Wangaratta got cancelled, so... I rescheduled us for an earlier train. Sorry. I know that's annoying. but if we want to have enough time to settle in at Wang before seeing your sister... it's kind of necessary, I'm afraid.

Michael's already here, and Victor's coming in tonight for the late shift, so that's covered. I'm just gonna try and get some last minute stuff done now, so that I can just wake you at the latest possible moment and just kind of... roll you out of bed and onto a train.

Sorry. I know you won't even hear this until I've already done it, but... I'm still sorry!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[FX: TRAIN NOISES]

KANE: Hey, Michael, it's Kane. This is probably nothing, but can you check the laundry? I think I left the dryer on, and it's been playing up and not turning off when the timer finishes, so... if you could check it and make sure it's off, I'd really appreciate it. Sorry. Thanks.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MICHAEL: Hey, Kane, I checked the dryer and it's definitely off. So you don't need to worry, everything is fine.

And everything is fine, I promise. Everyone is good here. Nothing bad has happened, so... enjoy your holiday, okay?

And thank you again for letting me show my paintings here - I got talking with someone about them today and they bought two of them!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[FX: TRAIN NOISES]

KANE: Thanks, Michael. I appreciate it. Sorry. I'm just a bit nervous about meeting Jason's family, I think, and my brain is trying to find literally anything else to panic about. It's alarmly good at that, ugh.

Anyway. Thank you. And congratulations on selling some paintings!! Lots more will sell over the coming weeks, I know it. You're an incredible artist.

Looks like we'll be arriving at Wangaratta soon, so I'll talk to you later.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

VICTOR: [Nicely] Hey, Papa Bear, it's Victor. Jason texted me to ask if I could leave you a message, since you've been stressing out a bit. He thought it might calm you down to hear that things are good here.

Well, they absolutely are. Good, I mean. We're busy but not too busy, lots of new people and regulars as well.

Although if it would be more believable to hear how your children are misbehaving while you're away, Helen and Mira have taken your leave as an opportunity to put fairy lights up over the back lounge. But I promise you, I'll make sure they take them down before we all go to bed. There will be no accidental electric fires, don't worry.

Ah... what else? Oh, I bought in more plants when I came in, like you wanted. I was going to put them up over the bar, but Ricardo said you were really particular about knots that you, umm, wanted to use, or something? So... I've, uh, just put them on top of and around the back of the bar at the moment, and... you can string them up however you like, when you get back.

Uh... yeah. That's all I can think of. I promise I'll call and leave you another message if I can think of more to say, okay?

I hope you guys are having fun!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

VICTOR: [Tired] Hey, Papa Bear. Just closed up for the night, and everything went fine. And yes, the fairy lights have been taken down, so you don't need to worry about that, either. Although, I do have to say in their favour, they looked really good. I know you worry about the fire risk, but... uh, you buy, like, LED lights now, so... you know, I think maybe you should consider it.

[Sigh] You know... I've been learning a lot about gardening from Michael, and... I keep thinking about the Best of Luck, and about you guys, and... I don't know, I feel like I'm learning about more than gardening.

I know this probably sounds strange, but... I feel like our community is a bit like a garden.

Like... there's all these different plants, and they've all got different needs, like... some need more water, some need more sun, some need pollinating insects, that sort of thing. But they all need good soil, that's like... the foundation. You need good soil for a good garden. Without that, it doesn't matter how much sun or water or bees you throw at something, it won't grow if it's not supported by earth.

But it's not enough to ONLY have soil, either. You still need all these other resources - light, water, etc - and you also need to actually tend the garden. You need to pull weeds and get rid of pests, and... all that kind of stuff.

And I feel like... the queer community is a bit like that. We're all queer, that's our soil. But we all need different things, different resources, and different care, depending on our particular situation.

And our gardeners are like... people who run organizations, events, programs, advocacy... that sort of thing. Like, you guys are gardeners. You run this bar and take people in and you're like, actively working on making things nicer for all of us. You're tending us.

[Vulnerable] You tended me, you know? When I was in danger, and scared, and... everything, you took care of me. You're still doing it. You keep me in a job and you're always there to listen if I need to talk, and I just... I wanna do that too. I want to help people, I want to... tend the community.

I don't know if I'm up for being a gardener yet. Maybe just a more useful plant. But I mean that's a thing, too, like... plants can look after each other. Some plants keep bugs away, or enrich the soil, stuff like that.

I want to help, I just... don't know how, yet.

Anyway... god, I've talked for long enough. Sorry. Good thing Telstra increased the voicemail limit, huh?

I'm going to go to sleep now. And... who knows, maybe I'll dream up some answers.

I hope Wangaratta is treating you guys well, and Jason's family is being nice. We'll keep things running smoothly at this end.

And... thank you. For the tending.

[Hangup]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Michael is voiced by Oscar Sabogal. Victor is voiced by DL Turnbull. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 62 - Storm

[Dial tone]

[Hangup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe, hope you're sleeping well. Things are quiet again tonight, but that's not surprising. Wednesday nights aren't usually raging party nights. For most people. Personally, I think any night is ripe to be a raging party night if you want it to be, but... well, it's not my fault that society can't handle that truth.

So, I've been thinking, and I think you're right, we should ask Michael and Victor for some more plants for the bar. I've grown quite fond of these little sprigs, and I think it'd be nice to add some more greenery if we can. We can definitely talk about hanging plants over the bar like you wanted.

[FX: Door opens]

Ah, customer! I'll talk to you later. Love you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: BABE. I've made a new best friend, she's basically the best person ever. Except for you, obviously, clearly you're the best person ever. BUT. She's a close second.

STORM: [Impatiently] Hey, c'mon! Gimme the phone!

JASON: ANYWAY, she wants in on this voicemail, so! Kane, my beloved boyfriend, meet Storm! our newest customer and like, clearly, one of the greatest people in the universe.

STORM: [Energetic] Hi! Kane, it's an honour to meet you via this most treasured form of communication between you two weirdos.

[JASON LAUGHS IN BACKGROUND]

When Jason was telling me that you guys leave voicemails for each other like love notes, I basically died. That's the cutest fucking thing I've ever heard.

Anyway! Anyway. [Serious] Kane. Kane, listen to me. This is a very special moment. I feel like fate brought me here.

Do you know how hard it is to find somewhere to go at this hour, that is not a bar full of drunken twenty year old straight men? It is extremely, extremely fucking hard. Walking into the Best of Luck Bar was like reaching a god damn oasis.

Jason said you did most of the work in terms of getting this bar up and running, so I owe you a god damn debt.

[Majestically] You are a prince among men, Kane, boyfriend of Jason. Thank you for granting a cup of peppermint tea and a god damn moment of peace and quiet to a nurse that just got off a ten hour shift and is looking at still another hour's drive home.

Bless you, and bless this tiny little bar that you have put together, and bless your weird voicemail thing with your boyfriend. Bless you.

JASON: ISN'T SHE GREAT? Hopefully you'll get to meet her in person sometime, assuming that she ever has a shift that doesn't end while you're sleeping.

I'm going to get her to tell me some gruesome medical stories right now, but I promise I'll leave you another message before I head to bed, okay?

STORM: Bye Kane!!!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Sweetly] Hey baby. It is... veeeeery late, or early, or whatever. Storm stuck around for a bit past closing, actually. It's uh... it's closer to five than three, let's put it that way.

I think she was a little bit delirious, or clearly some kind of superhero, because I can't fathom being that cheerful and chatty after ten hours of doing ANYTHING, let alone working. Let alone working as a nurse, isn't that like... one of the most draining jobs in existence, or something?

Anyway. She's amazing. You know how sometimes you meet people, and you just... click? Like you just know, yes. This is someone I'm going to be good friends with. This is someone compatible with me, and my friends, and my lifestyle. That kind of thing. I felt that with her.

I don't know, maybe I'm just drunk on the wee hours. Shit does get weird this time of night. Inhibitions lower, everything's blurrier and sharper at the same time... yeah, I don't know. Everything is surreal and hyperreal and other... real... things.

Man, I should get to bed before the sun comes up.

I love you. And I haven't said it in a while, so, just a reminder? Thank you. You've made my life something amazing. It really is thanks to you and so much of your efforts that we have the Best of Luck Bar, and... just, thank you. Thank you for everything. I love you so much.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Amused] Hey honey. I gotta say, those were some interesting voicemails to wake up to.

I'm glad you made a new friend. I look forward to meeting her face sometime, since I've already met her voice. Assuming her shifts work out in a way for that to happen.

[Serious] And, Jason... this was a team effort. We could go "no, you did more to make this happen!" at each other all day, and in fact I'm pretty sure we have done that at some point in the past. But I think at this point we should just concede that we both put a lot of work into the bar.

I couldn't have done this without you, and you couldn't have done this without me. And that's okay, Jason, actually, that's... wonderful. It's all the more impressive in that it was both of us. We made it happen together.

We're a team. And the longer we're together... the more and more that feels true.

You know... I always worried about getting too wrapped up in someone. Like I'd disappear if I let myself get in too deep, you know? But... the complete opposite has happened. Being with you has made me more 'me' than... anything else in my life. The person I am now doesn't need you in order to exist or anything, but... I'm better because of you, and I'm better with you.

I love you. Thank you for everything.

[Hangup]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Storm is voiced by Creatrix Tiara. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

Thank you to Sian Dart for naming Storm.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 61 - Invitations

[Dial tone]

[Hangup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Excited] Heeey! Guess what we just got in the mail!! An invitation to your sister's wedding!!

It's really pretty, I think there's like, real lace on this. And it's...

[Shocked] Holy shit, Jason. It's in two weeks.

Who sends out wedding invitations only two weeks head of time? Wait, hang on, there's a note in here as well...

[Reading] "A note to our guests: sorry for the short notice, but we grew tired of waiting for 'the right moment' to get married. We're excited to continue our lives together as a married couple as soon as we can, and what better moment to mark the change than new years day?"

[Verbal shrug] Well. That sure is one way to throw a wedding, I guess. Did you know about this? This feels like something that would come up in conversation when you talk to Maggie on the phone or something.

Well, uh, I guess we need to roster Victor and Michael for that weekend. Because, as I said a long time ago, I am not missing your sister's wedding. Aside from the fact I love weddings, I haven't even met your family yet, and a wedding seems like a nice time to do it.

[Excited] Ooh, we're gonna have to buy you a suit! Oh, that's gonna be fun. For me, mostly. I'm very much looking forward to seeing how you scrub up all fancy.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Solemn] Hey. Sarah just came in, she wanted to double check that she's still welcome here. Of course I told her that she was, and so did everyone else - even Mira. Then Sarah and Mira sat together and drank some tea and finished up some last minute breakup housekeeping - you know, who gets which books and that sort of thing.

I did my best not to eavesdrop, but when they both started crying a little I did head over to check on them. They were okay though. Just sad about breaking up.

Sarah left looking a bit better than when she came in, and Mira looks like she's had a weight lifted. Like, they're both still sad, that much is clear, but... I think today was a turning point for them.

I'm so glad they're handling themselves so well. Not just that they're looking after themselves and all that, but... they were still very gentle with each other, even in that painful time right after the breakup itself. There's no animosity. Just sadness, and that's understandable.

They're good girls. They'll be okay.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe. Pretty busy night tonight, but all closed up now.

We need to order more of that fancy Tasmanian tea again, by the way. It continues to sell fast as hell.

[Content sigh] Ah... I like nights like tonight. Lots of people to keep me occupied, lots of life downstairs. I do still miss clubbing sometimes, to be honest, so... nights like this help ease that a bit.

Better soak it all up best I can before we have to go to the country for a bit, yikes.

I know you're excited but... I'm conflicted. Like I've said before, I'm not a huge fan of weddings, and... family is complicated. I mean... I'll be there, for my sister, no doubt about that. I'm happy for her, and I love her soon-to-be husband.

But... our parents will probably be there too, and that's... well, that'll be interesting, that's for sure.

Ah well, [Sigh] let's stay positive. At least I'll have you with me. And hopefully it will be a lovely wedding and no one will tell us that we're going to hell.

I love you. I love you so much I'm even going to let you make me wear a suit. Which, frankly, says an awful lot about the high level of my devotion.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MIRA: [Tired] Hey Papa Bear. I kind of wanted to talk, but... not to anyone who might talk back, and... I don't know, I hope it's okay if I leave you another voicemail or two. I just... I need to clear my head, I think, and... this is actually a really helpful way of doing that.

[Sigh] [Sad] It was hard to see Sarah today. I mean... it was good. [Tearful] But it was hard.

Everything feels more... final, now. Like... it's not that... didn't feel final before, it's just... now it feels like something that's happened, rather than something that's still happening, you know?

I'm glad we're still on good terms. And I'm glad she feels like she can still come to the bar. Like... it's painful for me to see her, but I still want her to feel welcome and involved with the people here. I don't want us to be on the other side of a social chasm, you know? I want us to be okay.

[Quietly] I just want us to be okay.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

RICARDO: Hey, CJ... it's Ricardo.

I know it's probably weird to get a voicemail from me when you're going to wake up next to me, but... well, I started leaving voicemails for Jason when I couldn't sleep, and so... now I'm kind of developing that as a habit, I guess.

[Nervous] But... I don't need to connect with Jason tonight. I just want to talk, and... I want to talk to you. Even if you're not available to listen right this second.

Thank you for this weekend. [More nervous] I'm... sorry I freaked out last night after meeting your housemates. I... I know I can be a lot to deal with. I'm sorry. I'm trying to get better, I really am. I'm just... not there yet.

[Calmer] But... I had a really good time at Healesville today. I felt... a bit lighter.

I love animals so much, and... getting to see them all, and be with you at the same time was really, really good. I felt like my soul could breathe.

Thank you for helping me get out of my head for a little while. Let's hold hands in the sunshine again sometime soon, okay?

[Hangup]

[Beep]

CJ: [Happy] Hey Ricardo. I figured since you let me sleep, I should do the same for you now that it's morning. I was going to head out and buy something for us for breakfast, but then I thought it might worry you if you woke up and I wasn't around, so I'll just hang out in the kitchen until you're awake, okay?

[Kindly] And, hey, don't be sorry about freaking out. It's okay. Really, it is. We've all got our stuff, and I don't mind dealing with yours.

[Sweetly] Being with you makes me feel like my soul can breathe, too.

[Hangup]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Mira is voiced by Tahlia Celenn. Ricardo is voiced by Justin Jones Li. CJ is voiced by Jai Moore. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 60 - She Doesn't Believe Us

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Urgently] Jason! Apparently Ricardo already left you a message about this, but anyway, he took me aside this morning and asked me how long Helen's been able to use magic! Helen!

I was completely speechless. I mean... did you know Helen was doing magic? I sure as hell didn't, and I thought maybe... like, at first I thought maybe he just thought she could do magic, because she's just generally a really comforting person, you know? Like, maybe he thought it was magic, but it's just her being her.

But... he told me that she's done the exact same things that we do. She can reach inside people and affect their emotions. It's not nice words or good hugs, he said it feels physical. He can feel her gently smoothing out the spikes in his emotions. Which is... which is just like how it feels when we do it.

I... what's going on? How did we not know? She's been here over a year, how did we never notice that she can do magic too?

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Okay, so, Helen update. Ricardo tried to ask her about the magic, but... she misinterpreted, I think. Which was easy to do since he basically just asked her "hey, how is it that you can make people feel better so easily". She just waved it off.

So... then he tried to be a bit more specific. Told her that the way she soothed people seemed supernatural, like she was weaving magic. And... she laughed it off. Said she was flattered.

I can't tell if she doesn't know she's doing it, or if she just doesn't want anyone to know that she can. Which, y'know... I can relate to, on both of those counts.

I don't know. Should we push harder, or should we just... leave it alone? I mean... whether she knows about it or not, she had the opportunity to talk to us about it when we asked, but she didn't take it, so... maybe it's better to just leave her be, at least for a little while?

God, I don't know. Fuck. I am... I take back everything I said about this not being dramatic. This is... [Astounded scoff] I don't even know! I am completely flabbergasted.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey. Bedtime voicemail. I'm... kind of having trouble getting to sleep, to be honest.

I feel so weird about today. Like... I can't believe we didn't know Helen can do magic. I feel like an idiot. Like... looking back on it? She's been... [Exhale] How did we miss it, you know?

Then again, I mean... it's not like what we do is particularly noticeable, right? I mean... it took Ricardo to notice it. As far as we know, no one else has ever felt our soothing clearly enough to know that an outside force was doing it.

[Sigh] Ugh. I just keep going round in circles. I just... I don't know. I guess I just wish it was easier to talk to her about it. I don't know.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe. Quiet night tonight, just closing up now.

Ricardo and I had another go at talking to Helen. And honestly? I don't think she knows she's doing it.

I ended up getting kind of... direct, which... sorry in advance, I know you're probably not a huge fan of that idea. But I mean... I'm not the brightest crayon, you know? I can only talk in code for so long before I get kind of confused myself.

She was... not particularly convinced that she's doing anything magical. Honestly, the conversation reminded me a lot of when it first started happening to us, and you were like, "oh, no, it's just a coincidence, it's just this, it's just that..."

I asked her some stuff about how she feels when she's comforting people, and stuff like that since... you know, we definitely feel it when we do magic. It makes our brains all tingly and stretchy and stuff.

She did say that she gets that feeling sometimes. But she thinks it's like an ASMR type deal.

Ricardo asked her when it first started happening, and... apparently it started a few weeks after she moved in with us. So... we have a bit of a timeline, I guess. So that's something.

But... yeah. She's not really buying it, and... I don't know. I don't want to push her, you know? I think maybe you were right, maybe we should just... let sleeping dogs lie, at least for a little while. Maybe if we get anywhere in figuring out where all this comes from, we can revisit talking to Helen about it? I don't know.

Well, anyway. Other than things being confusing and Helen being a lot like you in terms of not recognizing the coolness of magic powers, everything's good otherwise.

I love you. I'll see you tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

CJ: [Nervous] Hey, Ricardo, it's CJ. I hope this doesn't wake you. I know you tend to sleep pretty late.

Um, I kind of miss you. It's been like, over a week since I saw you last and... yeah. I was wondering if you'd like to come stay over at my place this weekend? My housemates want to meet you anyway, and... yeah um, I was thinking maybe we could head up to Healesville Sanctuary on Sunday? I remember you saying a little while ago that you hadn't been, and... yeah, I think you'd really like it. At first I thought maybe I'd take you there as a surprise, but... then I remembered that surprises are kind of bad and triggery for you, so... I'm asking about it instead.

Um, yeah. Let me know.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

RICARDO: [Awkwardly] Hey, CJ. Sorry I missed your call. I, uh... yeah, I was sleeping.

I miss you too. Things have been kind of strange lately. I wouldn't even know where to begin with explaining it, and I mean... [Sigh] It's kind of not my business to talk about anyway, so... ugh, sorry. Can't really talk about it. I hate to be cryptic like that, but... well, I know you get it.

Anyway. I'd like to come meet your housemates. And... yeah, I'd really like to go to Healesville Sanctuary with you. That sounds like a really perfect weekend. Sign me the hell up.

And... thank you. For not surprising me. That... really means a lot. Because, yeah, surprises can set off my PTSD in a bad way. So... thanks.

I, um... yeah. I really like you. Talk to you later.

[Hangup]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Ricardo is voiced by Justin Jones Li. CJ is voiced by Jai Moore. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 59 - Stars In Her Hair

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Nervous] Hey, Ricardo, it's Kane. I, uh... jeez, I hope you check your voicemail before you get up today.

Anyway, um, Jason left me a message letting me know that you can feel us do our... weird soothing thing. And I just wanted to ask you... maybe not to mention it to anyone else yet, if that's okay? We... still don't know much about what it even is, or where it comes from, and... we just don't want people to think we're making shit up, you know?

Anyway, um, yeah. I guess... we'll talk about it later.

Honestly, I'm... actually kind of relieved that you can feel it. It means... it means we're not alone, and it means we can talk about it with you. Jason and I... we haven't been able to talk to anyone else about this since it started happening so... yeah. I'm... kind of excited to have someone else in the know.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe. I hope you're sleeping well. Tonight was a really late night for you.

Ricardo's gone to bed as well. I'm sending some more soothing sleep magic his way again, and, yes, I promise to be a bit more restrained tonight so I don't wear myself out again.

It was... really good to be able to talk with Ricardo about everything tonight. I mean... fuck, I've wanted to brag about these sweet fucking powers ever since we got them, and... well, okay, actually getting to do that was a bit of a let down since it turns out "we can make people happy and lucky" doesn't feel like much of a brag, but still. It's something.

I wish we had more answers to his questions, though. Hell, I wish we had answers to our own damn questions. Having someone else in on it like this is this huge reminder that we have no fucking clue what the fuck we're doing.

I gotta say, it's kind of disappointing that he didn't have any idea where all this stuff comes from either. I guess... I was kind of holding out hope that when we finally had someone else to talk to about it, it'd be someone with answers, you know? Someone who could fill us in on all the stuff we're clearly missing.

[Sigh] Ah well. It's still nice to be have someone outside of us to talk to about it. Even if it feels kind of weird, after so long keeping it secret. It's going to take some getting used to, I think. But that's okay.

I love you. See you tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey honey. Things are good down here this morning. Helen's been teaching Mira about all these different types of tea, including like... what temperature they should be brewed at, and stuff like that. She knows so much more than me about tea.

Huh. Potentially I should be paying more attention to this lesson. Maybe she can teach me some of this stuff too.

Anyway, yeah, I know what you mean. It feels kind of... surreal, actually. Ricardo knowing about us. I was kind of expecting it to be a much more dramatic thing too, you know? Not that I wanted it to be, I just... expected it to be. Maybe I just grew up with too many soap operas.

Ah, I should go. Couple of customers look like they need attention.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Quietly] Hey babe. Be quiet when you come downstairs in the morning. Mira was having kind of a rough night, she was really upset about Sarah again.

I stayed up talking with her, and soothed her as best I could, and she eventually started to feel sleepy so she's just gone to sleep on the red couch at the back of the bar.

I'm sure she won't mind being woken up before you open tomorrow, but, yeah, maybe let her wake up gently to the smell of coffee or something.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey honey. Mira's doing a lot better this morning. She's in the shower now. We had breakfast together and she had another little cry, but she's holding up really well, honestly. I was a much bigger mess during all my breakups, even the short term ones.

I guess maybe it helps that the breakup wasn't a mean spirited one, or because someone did something wrong. It was just... incompatibility. Which sucks, but... I don't know. Honestly, I'm so proud of those girls for having the strength to break up at all. Like you said, the temptation is to always say "love conquers all", but... all that does is push the problems back to be handled at a later date. It doesn't solve them.

Oh, it sounds like Tom and Brandon are up. I should see if they want breakfast too.

I love you. And I love our busy little bar full of good people doing their best at life.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Quietly] Hey, it's me. I thought I'd leave you a message to tell you about the absolutely adorable thing happening downstairs in our bar right now.

It's... about two in the morning, and there's no customers. Ricardo just went to bed a little while ago, so there's just me behind the bar, and Helen and Mira sitting on the couches at the back, folding origami stars together.

I can't hear what they're talking about, but Mira looks really, genuinely happy for the first time since she came back here. She used your sewing kit to string some of the stars together, and Helen's wearing them around her head like a flower crown.

I don't know, Kane. It's just... I love these girls, and I'm so glad we know them.

And I'm just so glad Helen is around in general.. She's just... I don't know. Everyone likes her. She's really, really special and I honestly treasure the fact she's with us. She makes me glad not just to be alive, but to be alive in the same time and place as her.

[Chuckles] Ah, listen to me. I'm getting all sentimental and shit. Normally I only do that about you. Or... well, no, actually. I do that about a lot of people and places and things these days. I never used to, but... now I do.

I do think you're the reason why, though. I feel way more comfortable being sentimental since being with you. You make it easy to have feelings and shit. It's safe and good with you.

I love you. And... I love that you help me love other people too.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Sweetly] Hey. I love you too.

And I'm glad I make you sentimental. In my opinion, the world could use more sentimentality.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

RICARDO: Hey Jason, it's Ricardo again.

Sorry for yet another voicemail. I imagine my voice is a little disappointing to hear when you're waiting for love notes from your boyfriend instead. But, well... you said I could call you, and... it really does seem to help to scream into the void. It really does.

I think, maybe, I'm starting to get why you and Kane leave voicemails for each other all the time. It's... different, but I mean... it's just another method of communication, really. With all its own problems and benefits.

[Sigh] I'm still having nightmares. I really hope the doctor I see today can give me something. I know you and Kane are helping me sleep, but... you need to sleep too, you know? You can't be beaming sleep magic at me all the time.

I should either go back to sleep or get out of bed. It's late - or early, I suppose - enough that the bar is open. I can hear people downstairs. So maybe I should just... get up, and stop lying here.

[Decisively] Yeah. Yeah, breakfast sounds good, if nothing else. I wonder if Kane still has any of those frittatas he made? Those were really good.

Oh - before I hang up, I keep forgetting to ask. I know you and Kane started noticing your magic stuff not long after you started seeing each other.

When did Helen start being able to use hers?

[Hangup]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Ricardo is voiced by Justin Jones Li. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

Thank you to Milton Hallin for supporting this episode.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

Episode 58 - Ricardo's Observation

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

RICARDO: [frustrated] Hi, it's Ricardo again. I'm... it's another bad night.

[Sigh] I keep having the same nightmare. I mean... I have a lot of nightmares, and they're not all the same, but... there's this one I keep having that wakes me up every single time.

I'm in a forest, and... I'm trying to run away from people who are trying to hurt me. But I keep getting my clothes caught on branches, or tripping over rocks, things like that. And I can hear the people getting closer and closer, and angrier and angrier.

And then I smell smoke, and the birds are flying towards me, and I realize that the forest is on fire. The people are still chasing me, and I realize I have to make a choice. Either I run into the fire and burn, or I wait for the people chasing me to come kill me.

So I run into the fire. I start to burn, and it's the worst pain I've ever felt, and I start screaming... and then, I wake up.

I mean, it's not exactly subtle. I'm trapped and I end up hurt and dying. I don't need a dream interpreter to tell me what's going on with that.

[Sigh] I just wish I could stop it. I'd give just about anything for a single night of peaceful, uninterrupted sleep. Maybe I should see a doctor or something. I don't know.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey Jason, if I'm not home when you get downstairs, don't worry. Ricardo just wanted company to the doctor, so I'm going with him for moral support.

We shouldn't be too long, the wait time isn't too bad at Acland Court. Michael and Helen are holding down the fort while I'm gone.

See you when you get up or when we get back, however it works out.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[Shopping Centre Ambiance]

KANE: [Annoyed] Well, that was a waste of time. The receptionist made a mistake and there wasn't actually an available appointment after all. And they're booked solid at the moment due to some flu going around, so, ugh.

We made a new appointment for Friday, so that's something, but it does mean a couple more rough nights for Ricardo.

I'm... still in public, so I'll drop you another message when we get back. Love you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey. So. Now that I can talk a little more freely - remember how I used to help you sleep through noise with magic? I'm normally asleep by the time Ricardo goes to bed, so I can't really do that for him myself, but maybe you could? It's gotta be a worth a try. Poor guy looks exhausted.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Tired] Hey. So, it's like... five thirty, Jesus Christ. Anyway. I'm gonna come up to bed like... right after I leave this message.

Ricardo was putting off going to bed for a long time tonight. Didn't want the nightmares, I guess. I get that.

We stayed up a while talking about stuff. We talked about finding him a therapist, but... I don't know if he'll try. Finding the right therapist is rough even when you aren't queer, you know? But... I told him I'd call QLife and get some referrals from there, so... maybe we can find someone good. I hope we can.

It was... hard. We talked about some hard things. But... I think it helped? A bit? I don't know. Maybe I just hope it helped.

Anyway. I've been trying to magic some soothing sleep his way for the past twenty minutes or so. I hope it's working, because I'm exhausted and can't wait to go to sleep myself.

I love you. See you tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey honey. Ricardo's not up yet, so that's a good sign towards some decent sleep. I've been trying to extend his sleep this morning, as well.

I hope you're sleeping well. You sure seemed to be when I got up this morning, although... you did look a bit rough. I think you might have worn yourself out a little last night.

I love you, but maybe use a little less energy if you try again tonight, yeah? You're not much use to anyone if you wear yourself out, you know? Good self care practice applies as much to magic as it does to anything else. Remember our mundanity rule.

I love that you're willing to tire yourself out for people, though, even if it's not the best idea. It makes me really happy to know I have such a caring and compassionate boyfriend. You make me feel like making the world better is not just possible, but achievable. [Sigh] I love you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Nervously] Hey, okay. So. Kind of a big development tonight.

I was chatting with Ricardo as I was closing up, and he asked me if I could, quote, "do that thing you did last night again", because it helped him sleep a lot better.

At first I was like, what, you wanna talk for a while before bed? Because that's cool, I'm up for that. I mean, I'm usually happy to chat with anyone who's still up before I go to bed. Helen's often around for it too. It's nice quiet bonding time, you know?

But then he said, "No, I mean, can you do that thing where you reach into my head and smooth out the bad feelings."

I must have looked like I saw a ghost, because he started asking me if I was okay, because I looked like I was going to be sick or something.

Fuck, Kane. I didn't feel like I was going to be sick, but I did feel like the fucking floor fell out from under me.

No one's ever been able to feel us soothing them before. Or at least, not that we know of, I guess. No one's ever mentioned anything even close to it.

I asked him for more details, and... it sounds like he's been able to feel us soothing him for a while now. Not the whole time we've known him - no, from the sounds of it, he only started noticing it after the whole thing with the homophobes was finished. But that's... that's still a few weeks now, at least.

Anyway, uh... yeah. So, I did soothe him, and tried to help him sleep again like last night, and... uh, well, he hasn't come back downstairs or anything, so I guess it must have worked.

But... holy shit, Kane. Ricardo can feel our magic. He knows.

[Hangup]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Ricardo is voiced by Justin Jones Li. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

Thank you to Red L for supporting this episode.

Qlife is a real counselling, and mental health and referral service for LGBTIQA+ people in Australia. If you need support, you can can contact them online at qlife.org.au or by phone on 1800 184 527, between 3pm and midnight, any day of the week.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]